Yeah. Life has been super busy - as always - but I just can't, or won't, keep up with everything. My brain races, by nature. I used to always follow it, in 47 different directions. Now, I tell it to shut up. A lot. It's not easy, but I need some sort of breathing space. I'll let you know when/if I find some!
Life has been nuts. My neuropathy is still tingling. Some days, really bad. I don't care how foolish I look in public - some things never change! I shake it around like a rag doll. I work the lymph spots that are not thought provoking in public (I won't go as far as the groin clusters, but will do the neck and underarm and inner elbow spots as well as the whole arm/hand). I'm not embarrassed to do the groin, but in public - I certainly don't want attention from folks who might find that "interesting".
My weight has been frustratingly stagnant. I was actually on my way to the gym when I remembered I haven't sent an update out, via blogger. Even though this is sort of anonymous, I do have actual friends who know who I am. They see me on social media, but I don't post all, health wise.
I'm not sure about the weight, except my freaking hormones. My cycle used to be clockwork. Then, tamoxifen. It turned to painful chaos. It did come back, but my cycle goes from 2 weeks to (so far) 9. It's been over 5 since my last hit from the uterus. About 2 weeks ago, and again 1, I felt PMS cramps etc. Nothing. Tumbleweeds. Not really - that would likely hurt. But, nothing.
So I have been working out more than ever, and my weight, which would normally respond, hasn't. But, I guess being active is better than not, and I'm not in a horrible place, just a few up from my happy zone. I guess I can't have a 20-something's body forever. There, I said it. I've been working so hard on my health and body, and yes - vanity does fuel part of my drive. But, I have a birthday coming up in a week and, as much as I hate it when I hear it, I do look pretty ok "for my age". Of course, I need to cover those pesky greys and we just had our bathroom remodeled. Why, when we're broke?
Flashback to "death kitchen". I had our kitchen totally demolished and rebuilt, custom cabinets, ridiculous gorgeous tiles, the works. Even a wall knocked down and a half wall built as a breakfast type bar. Or, a bar type bar. It handles both positions equally well. Actually, we don't eat breakfast, so bar bar wins. Cheers!
This is "death bathroom". Our place is nice, but they sure didn't think about style or function with these essential rooms. If you recall, if I posted, I had always wanted a dishwasher. Got it. I also have always wanted frosted glass shower doors. I hate the curtain thing. Hate it. Hate. It. Got it. Again custom cabinets (matches the kitchen!), gorgeous marble counter, fancy dual-flush toilet, slightly deeper tub (had to do a dance to approve via co-op, apparently), big tiles up to the ceiling, a splash wall of yellow tiles, and voila. Death Bathroom. Honestly? We can't afford it. Another moment of honesty - I don't give a crap. Well, actually I do, since that's one function of said room.
Ok, off to the gym now. I'm not sure how much I can accomplish, but I'm bringing a book so that I can park my butt on a bike at the end of my rope (physical or mental pooping out) and burn a few more. I do enjoy the sweat now - started getting workout clothes that encourage sweat. They work! I used to never really sweat much in the gym, but this is really good for my lymph and circulation in general. Ironically, they're slightly thick, so I look bigger than I am, but I'm not out to impress anyone at the gym. I'm out to make my life as good as I can. Who knew that sweat would help? (and yes, I do sweat in real life, but the gym? They're too cold, in general! Hubs always sweats, but that could be a boy thing). Until next time... hopefully sooner than December! ;)
Did you say tiles up to your ceiling? We're in the midst of remodeling our bathroom. And what do you think the sellers did to to an "upgrade" in our bathroom? They tiled HALF of the bathroom with FLOOR TILES, AND tiled the damn ceiling up and around the freaking shower stall. Yeah, pretty sight. NOT. Hideous infact. Laughable. All we can do is laugh. Currently awaiting word on a quote for it. Guess what we won't have in the new bathroom? TILES. Lol. Never again.
ReplyDeleteAre you currently in remission? Or are you counted as in active treatment? I never did ask you that. Hope you're doing well. Miss our rare chats. Life has gotten hectic here. D goes to high school orientation today. ACK. I'm in denial!
-Cat
Yup. Gorgeous, big tiles. All the way up. Our bathroom is super tiny, and this opens it up visually. :) I hated how the paint would eventually peel because of the humidity.
DeleteRemission is a weird word, since there's no real cure - but I've never been told I am and prefer it that way. I've known too many people who have heard the word, decided it meant cured, and got hit with metastasis which is incredibly incurable and fast to take you out! http://www.cancer.gov/publications/dictionaries/cancer-terms?CdrID=45867 remission : A decrease in or disappearance of signs and symptoms of cancer. In partial remission, some, but not all, signs and symptoms of cancer have disappeared. In complete remission, all signs and symptoms of cancer have disappeared, although cancer still may be in the body.
If I go by that definition, besides the lymphedema, limited movement and pain from scar tissue etc... I guess I'm partial remission, but so is everyone who undergoes traditional western treatment, after the shit stops hitting the fan so hard. I'm a perpetual cancer patient - it's better that way. I mean, I have way more than regular checkups, multi docs, I follow a holistic protocol for the disease... I think when people have a very small mass removed, like a stage zero, even then, they should be on the lookout. Everyone should be. Eh. That's my take on "remission". It's kind of bullshit. I'm having a good day, today, as a patient. Other than my sleeve, you wouldn't know just by looking at me - unless I were topless! But, even then, clothed - I've never looked like what people perceive as a "cancer patient". Didn't lose enough hair to make a statement (though the middle of my right eyelashes disappeared totally!) I did bruise a lot in treatment, probably some systemic issues with the f*ckery and poison, but I found intensely covering makeup to put over those suckers. I almost lost teeth, until I stopped taking the poison (also, had osteopenia 3 months in!) But, you can't see these things. So, yeah. I always figure it's a good day if I wake up at all, which means I have another chance to be happy. :)
Cool
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