Does my Lymphedema make my arm look fat?

It feels SO heavy and full today. I have been nonstop for the past month+. Not enough sleep. Too much working. I'm so glad I am now wearing a sleeve during the day, as I know it helps so much.

In fact, I get compliments on them. People ask where they can get them - they think it's a decorative thing! *I wish*

Maybe my lymphedema will force me to rest more. I caught a cat nap earlier, and I fell into a full on dreaming sleep, in 30 minutes. 

Interestingly, I think my arm looks smaller, now that I wear my sleeve. I mean, when I take it off, it looks kind of puny. My other one? I work out, and it does show. Lefty does just as much work, but somehow it looks smaller. The good news is that it looked that way before the lymphedema set in (one of the signs for me was when they looked even, and then it looked bigger - since I'm a righty, it was always the bigger arm). So, yes. I'm grateful for that. Of course, when I wear the sleeve, I hate how my arm DOESN'T look rocked. Muscle-wise, anyway. It looks like a girl arm. Like, a skinny fat arm. You know what I'm talking about - the slim girls who can't lift a pencil. Soft, mushy arms. I know there are worse things, but I like feeling AND looking strong. I want someone who is potentially out to mess with someone to look at me and think, "Hm. That one looks like she could put up a good fight". Yup, I always want to avoid a fight. 

So, here I am. Life sentence of a sleeve/gauntlet, exhausted beyond belief! Exhausted, delirious, and today I actually skipped the gym. Other than traveling, I'm very consistent. since I only had about 3 hours of sleep last night, my pillow and I needed to be BFF's. Imagine, if I'd gone to the gym at my regular time, I would have had 1 hour of sleep. Yes. I do believe I made the right decision.

Is it PTSD, fear of the unknown (same thing), or having a teenage daughter (same thing)?

Sigh. It's been a long time. Every time I think of blogging, I'm too busy. I have barely seen my husband in a month, and yes - we live together and love each other!  2 freelancers are sometimes not even ships passing in the night. But, we love what we do. I wish we made more cash for the splash, so that we could afford more time together (eh, maybe a coffee once in a while?), but, we agree on our life choices and will never change ourselves or each other. So, here we are. Perhaps it's one reason we're so in love. A lot of first dates!

Got more lymph sleeves, from LympheDivas - these are way cuter!!! People ask where they can get them (without lymphedema!). People think I have full sleeve tattoos, or that I have a quirky but cool sense of style. Maybe I do - but this is necessity.

My teen daughter? She's an amazing person. But, she's a teen. So much of my time home this month has been spent Momming. Hubby is an incredible parent. Ex hubby? A disaster. In fact, every time my daughter returns from his place, we work so hard to get her as close to human again as we can. But, I divorced him. We teach her, and show her affection and love her, discuss values and morals. And we pay for everything. But, we make our choices in life, and hubs and I choose to be good people.

But, anyway, it's so hard when you're tired, in pain, overworked, traveling too much, and not seeing your loves enough. Fuses are short. Tempers flare. And other catch phrases that describe the situation. But, here we are.

I head out again this weekend, and then next week am slammed again. I'm not sure exactly when I'll rest, but I'm hoping before my tryptophan induced Thanksgiving nap. Which actually doesn't happen to me, since I am not the biggest turkey fan (that stuffing, though!!!)

My acupuncturist left the hospital. She has saved my life. The whole place is crumbling, and the main reason I've remained a patient there is for acupuncture. Now? My oncologist is ok, but his assistant is a total idiot, and rude as hell. Can I find a new oncologist at a friendly place with integrative therapies? Can I also find a unicorn to ride to all of my gigs on? I may need a pegasus, but then - what's border control like when leaving the country? If it smells like pegasus droppings, I'll take a plane. Though, some of them WISH they could smell as good as pegasus droppings.

Besides magical creature dung, life isn't awful. Found a massage place nearby where they actually do a nice job, cheap. The best part, however, are the signs on the walls. "NO HANKY PANKY!"  It makes it more charming. And less disgusting.  Been there twice, and am definitely a fan. The first time was a 60 minute reflexology session. Heaven on two feet!  And deep!  Next, full body, sans arm. She asked if I got hurt, and when I told her it was lymphedema, she totally seemed to understand. Both clinicians were good instinctually, and I'm so happy they're close and cheap! Did I mention, close and cheap? The only thing I will say about those places - bring earplugs! Curtains partition the rooms, and sound travels, no matter how much Kenny G they're pumping. Plus, you need earplugs if that's your only ambient noise. Seriously.