First of all - holy cow! I've been working like a maniac. Really good since the NEW KITCHEN IS DONE and gorgeous. And I spent more than what I sometimes make in a year on it. Now I'm asking for a bathroom estimate. Not nearly the job this was, it would literally be a new bathtub, toilet, sink, cabinet, tiles, vanity and light. And painting. Fingers crossed that it's not too painful financially!
Anyway, I'm going to vent a bit. And I apologize if I offend anyone. Truly.
But, God does not bring stuff to us that we can handle. And God will not cure us. If that were the case, why is my mother dead? Why am I still sick? I believe in people who truly believe - but not people who leave it up to higher powers to make us all well. Clearly, that has not worked. Not that I have witnessed. Religion is good. Don't get me wrong. Goodness and Kindness rock.
I just hear and see it so often. Folks are quick to pray for you. Folks are quick to tell you that God wouldn't give you this disease or pain or death in the family if you couldn't handle it. What the heck does that mean???
So, God gave my mom cancer because she could handle it. But she couldn't. So she died. And me, in my teens, after watching my mom die painfully over the course of 10 years was strong enough to handle it. But I wasn't. I still cry at losing her. It's been 25 years since she passed. No, God. I can't handle it and she couldn't either. Now, I'm apparently strong enough to handle it, and my daughter hopefully is NOT strong enough to handle my death. Because that means I won't die!!!
Religion can make people strong, or give them a muse to make them feel it. That's GREAT. I see it EVERYWHERE in the world of Cancer. And, people still die from Cancer, no matter how much they believe.
I believe in faith. I believe in living well and doing good for others. I believe in taking care of yourself. But, I do not believe that the magic man will cure me, or give me a horrible stuff because I'm strong. If that IS the truth, I'm going to stop working out and become emotionally unstable. Because I don't need more stuff that "I can handle".
What do I believe? That you are allowed to believe what you want. That you are not allowed to impose your beliefs on someone else's misfortune.
I'm not gonna lie. My mom dealt so much better with her cancer when she was still on the Buddhist side of the world. She converted to Christianity and was baptized as an adult with 2 children and cancer. She went to bible classes and everyone prayed for her. She died horribly. She did sustain some Buddhist practices that brought her peace. I wish she had stuck to that, instead of relying on everyone's empty promises.
This is a major reason why I cringe when someone says they're praying for me. There are very few people on the planet that I believe, when they say they are praying for me. Sorry, guys, for my occasional bad word on this blog, but I love you dearly and always welcome your love and prayers. You mean it. You make things happen, and I believe in you, your love, AND your prayers.
Others - just help. Do something nice. Help me find alone time to meditate or work out. Encourage my healthy lifestyle and positive affirmations. Suggest a good book or music or spoken word to uplift me. Suggest a funny movie on Netflix. Remind me to take melatonin so I can maybe rest a bit.
Rant over. Because my life is full of positivity, but once in a while this stuff gets way deep in my radar.
Funny thing, I played at my favorite church today. I absolutely adore everyone there. They pray for me, but they believe it helps me. That to me is real. That's good vibes. Good energy. That IS healing. The music we made, totally healing. The honesty and laughter and smiles, super duper healing. Some folks live it. They believe it and never impose it, even under "God's Roof". And that, my friends, is help. It's all the lemmings that say they're religious to appease the family or society. Even the ones who believe that they are, but it's all an act. It's being brainwashed from childhood. This is what you do, because you've always done it. I was one of them until my teens. I knew nothing else. My grandparents and mom (who had switched for the companionship of the congregation) taught me about buddhism. It's a lifestyle. It's not a label, or a social standing. It's what we all should strive for. It's peace and love. I believe that anyone who believes in goodness is the freaking Bees Knees. Do they even have knees?
Peace! Love! xoxo
