How useful are we?

Some days, I feel like I have so much to try and contribute to the world. Other days, I feel like I'm all used up. Why do we continue when we're used up?

No news is good news, bad news, or too busy to write.

If you picked curtain #3, you're RIGHT!

No good news, really. Arm sucks. Breast hasn't magically grown back. Usual battlegrounds are in use.

Bad news? Eh, who knows at this point. It all blurs together - my new normal is so different than what I had for so long. Hard to get used to it all. But, here I am.

Some days, I feel invincible. Like, I'm going to be ok for a few more years. You know, at 100% of whatever I could possibly have in me. Other days, I feel like I'm playing a cruel video game and I have half of a heart left out of 10.

But, maybe I can find some sort of a "cheat code" to life. My daughter told me about cheat codes one day, and I said, well that's cheating. Is that really fun when you're playing a game? Right now? I'd definitely like a cheat code, as long as it didn't downgrade my happiness, or make me feel worse physically and mentally (see: happiness).  

Meanwhile, the holidays loom. Last year we gave away our tree. It served us well, but we decided against putting it up. I keep suggesting putting our favorite ornaments on our houseplants. We have so many (plants, not ornaments). Maybe I'll just do it. In my spare time. Get it? Spare. Time. HAHAHAH!