Tamoxifat

Well, we saw the oncologist. A very dry, nice, funny and no bullshit woman. I'd hire her as a lawyer in a heartbeat. And I'd hire her as an oncologist. Wow. That was lucky!

No chemo. We suspected, and I rejoice!

Still not sure about radiation - and I still have anxiety about it.

But - 5 years of Tamoxifen? As I asked questions about it, it seems I will be enjoying hot flashes and weight gain. By the time I'm off of it I'll be too old and fat to give a shit about anything.

This is a hard pill to swallow. Literally.

I thought maybe they could bring back the old Fen Phen, and I could take Tamoxifenfenphen.

I hate medication. What if they discover that long term Tamoxifen leads to new and exciting incurable diseases?

What if I just don't take it? I can hide the pills in a tissue and stuff them under my mattress. For 5 years. The princess and the Toxis-Tamoxic Peas.

Anyone reading this knows that I have a job that depends somewhat on my physical shape. I'm not a stripper (or I'd have already had humungous implants!) but I'm seen. A lot. How can I sustain a career while taking this toxic shit, huffing and puffing in my fat suit, sweaty as hell?

Yeah, I know. You're saying, "at least you don't have to go through chemo". And I know. It's true.

Am I going to go through early menopause because of this shit?

What about my bone density? My eyesight? Blood clots?

Shit.

So, I guess I'd better start stocking up on seqinned mumu's. And a LOT of Spanx. Can I get lipo while on this stuff?

I think the cancer and surgery were plenty, thank you very much. No need for more crap to deal with. I've had my fill of Awful Shit To Deal With.

I know. It could be a lot worse. But I'm just sick of it. Where's my life? I haven't felt like me in a long time.