Good choices in life.

Divorce was a very good choice, apparently.

My ex said he'd bring my daughter back at 2pm. I texted at 1:20 to ask if she'd want lunch when she got here. Nothing. 1:45 I texted to see if she was ok.  Nothing.  2:25 I texted to ask if she was still alive. I tried calling, no answer. I called his mother, and she said that they were supposed to come over there for dinner and she would stay with me tonight. That was NEVER the plan. I then divulged the secret that he hasn't paid child support in 2 years. She seemed to be surprised.  Yeah. Surprise. You pay his bills and not child support, and you're surprised?

I finally got them on the phone, probably after his mom called him. He said he was confused. How about answering your f'ing phone or texts. How about acting like an adult. You're 50. Stop acting like a 10 year old with no worries other than the fact that you're failing school. YOU ARE FAILING LIFE.

Yes, I'm pissed. Perpetually. I wouldn't care if he didn't have my daughter. I haven't been able to work for 2 months. He owes me 2 years of slacker child support - meaning, based on his record of unemployment. Meaning, the bare minimum anyone can be forced to pay. Not enough to buy milk.

How could I have been such an idiot? How could I have married someone who lives in a sea of lies? Everything he told me about himself was a lie when we met - so that I wouldn't dump him. He:  hated sports, was a hard worker, and many, many other things. In truth? All were lies. The only thing that wasn't a lie is that he is anatomically a man. It goes no further than that.

I'm taking a deep breath and trying to not eat every ounce of chocolate in the house. He said he would bring her over. We'll see. I should really call the cops on him, but what good would that do my daughter? I'd like to see him pay his dues for his lifetime of deceit and bs, but I don't want to hurt her.

What I do want is full custody. Hell, if he'll give her up and my husband can adopt her, he'd be off the hook for child support (not that he pays, though technically he does owe me 2 years of back-pay).

Hubby always reminds me - 7 more years. Can I last that long? Is he part of the reason I have cancer? Deep breath. I don't need to re-cancify myself. I wondered that about my mom as I got older. Was she sick because she was in a toxic relationship? I need to make myself immune to his poison. But when he affects my daughter so deeply, and tells her that things are my fault (he blames everything on me - the divorce, and things that date back to before I ever met him - heck, things that happened when I wasn't even born yet!)  I'm so sick of the lies.

I am happy that I found my partner. If I hadn't, I would probably think that there was nothing good to this world. That everything was a lie. That it's a game - get as much as you can before you die. Fool people into thinking you're what you're not. Find ways to be lazy. I've never believed any of that, but that's my ex's mantra - and many others as well. He lives in his own hell - I just wish my daughter didn't love him so much. It hurts me and it hurts her. She doesn't seem surprised that he forgets to pick her up. That he's late a lot of times. That he can't seem to do homework with her, or cook a meal, or clean his house. She thinks he works. She tells me what an important person he is. Really? Then why are his Mommy and Daddy paying his bills, even 2 gym memberships? Oh, wait. Of COURSE they can't help with child support. They're paying for 2 gym memberships, a fancy new phone, and god knows what else.

Yup. He's my cancer. I can't think of anything or anyone else in this world who affects me so negatively. I need to become immune to his bullshit. I have learned a valuable lesson. It's too late to take my time back with him, but I wouldn't have my daughter without him. Now that I have her, I wish he would just leave. His constant threats to "move to Europe" are so empty. Too bad.