Radiology pushed back...

Sigh. Got a voicemail that they can't start radiation until next Monday. Still mapping out my plan. Part of me is super pissed (my impatient part) and part is relieved (the holistic hippie part).

I keep wondering if it's been delayed for a reason. Should I not go through with it?

I also got another preliminary request for an overseas gig, in about 2 weeks for 5 days. Seems like a far cry - paperwork, negotiations, game plan etc. needs more than that time frame. But a part of me says, if they can make it happen, that will delay radiation further, and maybe this is all for a good reason?

Had acupuncture again today. Last night, we all went to a "fancy party". Hubby was playing the gig, and my girl and I got dolled up and people watched. She was amazing. It was packed, and loud, and even I was having some crowd anxiety, but she was great! At around 11:45pm, some folks came in with pizza (which seemed super tacky if you ask me!), but she was hungry - so we bid farewell to the band and headed to the local pizza joint. It was really good. I snuck a bite from her SECOND slice. Yes, my girl is apparently on yet another growth spurt. We decided to not head back to the party, so we hopped a cab and headed home. It was past midnight when we arrived, but she was wired! So we cranked up the Netflix and watched The Dick Van Dyke Show! Hubby got me into it, and she absolutely loved it. I finally made her go to bed at 2 or so - figured it's sort of vacation... and around 4am I realized that I had a 10am appointment for acupuncture! Oops. I got a few hours of sleep and went to my pincushion session. Basically slept through it, sort of.

Been having worries about Lymphedema, so I stopped into my breast surgeon's office and immediately saw his nurse! She gave me some info and we were chatting when she noticed I was missing an earring! "FOLLOW ME! I SAW IT ON THE STREET!"  Seriously? I was in that building for an hour, would it still be where she saw it? It was! I felt like so many things fell into place. Thank you, Mary - so thrilled to have my earring!

I have been looking at compression sleeves - most are plain, but these are fancy! Since I fly, use my arm a lot when performing and just practicing, end up carrying equipment and luggage, I can't change my life to avoid lymphedema. I could probably tolerate one of these once in a while. Though, to be honest, I'm not great at wearing crap that might help me - if it's annoying or looks dumb. We'll see...

I spoke to the OT who specializes in this stuff. Really nice, and out of network. $owch$  She seems to think that my active lifestyle up until now will help me avoid this in the future, and perhaps a sleeve is not a good answer, or at least in only extreme cases, like flying overseas perhaps, or long rehearsals. Or lifting heavy things like equipment, or furniture, or my fat cat.

We're cooking chili for our NYE dinner. We, meaning, my husband.  Lucky me!

I caught a brief nap on the massage chair and had a cup of coffee. I'm hoping that my brain can carry me to midnight. I need some sort of Clockwork Orange eye contraption. Or maybe, I can paint eyeballs on my eyelids. Just in case.

I've had to make some really difficult decisions this year. I've been diagnosed with one of the scariest "words" ever. I've gotten chopped up, slowly inflated, worked through some major physical and emotional pain, turned down a lot of work, and still feel like I live in this strange limbo where every decision will impact my physical and mental health for the rest of my life.

And I have my family. It's small, but it's amazing. So, here I am, being rebuilt, burnt, poked, chopped, advised, medicated, and all I want to do is be happy and be me - and be around for long enough to see my daughter fall in love, graduate high school and college, meet my grandkids if she decides to have any, and see what this wonderful little girl will grow up to be. I know it will be from the heart, because that's the only way she operates. So I guess if I drop dead tonight, I know that I have created a life full of love - I just want to be there to enjoy my gift to the world for as long as possible. I want to enjoy my brand new marriage until it's old enough to laugh about "the days way back, when he had to wash my hair after surgery", or "the days when he had to lift me out of bed like a damned forklift while I screamed in my head", or how about "the day I had reconstruction" or "the day I was told that the cancer was gone"... because I look forward to those days. Maybe someday I will look in the mirror and see my un-colored grey hair and remember these days when I tried so hard to preserve my youth all for the sake of work. Maybe someday I'll still be playing music and will toss my grey mane around, lecture to those "darned kids" about the joys of being a senior citizen and how wonderful the journey has been. I want to find myself there someday.