Lymphedema sleeve and gauntlet. Sounds like a shady night club...

My energy has picked up slightly for some reason. Maybe it's my hormonal insanity.

But I've been getting really burnt. Like, bright red. The La Mer is the only thing fixing it. In fact, a few hours after I apply, it disappears. I need to save my skin, so it's worth the price tag. My reconstruction depends on the health of my skin, right? Well, and it depends on my surgeon. But I have so much control over the materials I'm going to hand to him. Or at least shove in his face and say, "FIX ME!!!"

I ordered some colloidal silver ointment too. And calendula ointment. I really love the word "ointment", but I ordered the calendula because I don't love the spray I currently have. It's light, but almost too light. It also smells icky. The silver? I was told about a serious burn cream that has colloidal silver in it, mentioned to the doc, and he said I don't need that until I peel or worse. I mentioned that I had ordered an over the counter natural thing, and he said fine. I think my doc knows I'm obsessed with healthy things (which is why this whole cancer shit makes NO sense!) and so far my remedies have been good choices. Hopefully that junk will arrive early next week. And the Cancer Center (maniacal laughter here) will be closed on Monday, so I get a day off from the lasers. It's bittersweet, I'd prefer to get another treatment out of the way. Damn. But my skin will have an extra day to literally chill.  UPDATE: I used them both, and they are better than the calendula spray, but come nowhere near the La Mer. I have a good arsenal of skin fixers now, though!!!

Thursday morning after my time in the Holocaust Spa (thanks to my friend I.B. for that one!) I hopped the commuter nightmare (the subway at rush hour!) to hit the upper east side. ONE place in NYC accepts my supposedly rocking insurance to cover a lymphedema sleeve. Why is this? Well, I don't care anymore, because at Falk Surgical Supplies, Jeannette is a rock star. She measured my puny little arm for a sleeve and a gauntlet. Sounds sexy, right?

It's not.

The one I tried on was beige and gross. It was new and clean, don't get me wrong. But so medical looking. Like I'm trying to hide the fact that I'm wearing a surgical garment. Nasty.

So I asked if she had something more interesting. I could get black. Good. Now we're getting somewhere. I then explained what I do for a living, and she loves the instrument I play - not something I hear every day. She said they could dye a sleeve in purple, my favorite color. Then she pulled out a catalog from Lymphedivas! Remember that I had picked out a pretty sleeve  a few days ago? It's on order. So is a black one (of the icky surgical variety, but hey. It's stage appropriate, right?) And I only have to use them sometimes on flights or if I'm on stage a long ass time with my arm in the air (like I just don't care! Even if I do!)

Hopefully all will go smoothly and I will have my surgical medical duds soon, before my next flight in 3 weeks. It's a shortie, but I fly in the morning, hit the stage for soundcheck and concert, and fly out again the next morning. That's a lot of pressure. I mean, air pressure, and holding my arm up for long periods of time pressure.

I'm glad I'm vain. I love my Creme De La Mer, and I am so glad I spend the money on caring for my skin. Otherwise I'd never realize that it could save my skin through this horrible ordeal. I don't know if it will prevent anything awful in the next 4 weeks, most likely I will be a disaster in the end like everyone else, but it was SO burnt already that it would be like getting sunburned on day one of vacation in some super duper sunny, tropical joint, and continuing to go out in the sun all day without sunscreen or a cover up, and continuing to burn for a month-long vacation. You'd be in the hospital, right? Probably before a week was up. I wish I could put sunscreen on before getting in the Nuclear Zap-o-Matic, but of course, I can't. So, I'm glad I bought a new jar of La Mer recently.

And I'm glad I like my radiologist. He's funny as hell. And totally honest. And gets that I'm a little nuts and very concerned about the effects of all this shit. And I think he's glad that I'm getting the crap burned out of me, despite my whining about becoming the hulk, or glowing, or whatever... I want to live. Not forever. But enough to feel like I didn't miss my life. My mom died at 50, right after her birthday. I talk about her all the time and wish she was here. Tonight, it was about how she made pizza from scratch. She'd toss the dough into the air like a freaking Italian. She did all this stuff like it was no big deal. I guess that's where I get my D.I.Y. vibe.

And now, it's Saturday. I forgot to post that so I changed some tenses.

I've started worrying about bags. Not under my eyes, I'm hoping those will go away when things start getting back to what my new normal will be, after radiation and final surgery. But, handbags. I bought a super cute Coach Backpack before surgery, knowing that it would be a challenge to carry a handbag. It was rough going over the left shoulder for a month or so, but now? It's my "go-to" bag. Carries a lot but doesn't feel heavy. When I decide to not look like a schoolgirl, I try to carry a very small purse, but that doesn't always work. It's REALLY tough carrying a "regular" purse, especially since I always carried them on my left side. I walk like there is something severely wrong, my gait looks like I may have sprained my ankle or am incredibly drunk. It hurts my back like crazy. So now, the question - do I get another designer backpack? One that is perhaps black and dressy? Has it come to this???

My instrument is usually carried in a case with backpack straps. Unless it's being wheeled with others. So on gigs, I have to deal with a shoulder bag. Awkward. But seriously, other than the occasions when I can go out with a wallet and a compact with a small lipstick, how do I deal with the shoulder bag issue? I live in NYC, so I walk pretty much everywhere, or take the subway. I don't drive. I can't toss my bag in the car. I'm stuck carrying whatever I've got. And no, I'm not going to move.

I was considering a black Gucci or Prada bag. Then I remembered that I have to pay the bills and stuff. I know I can score a gently abused one on eBay... but any other ideas out there? How can I keep my chic-ness with a backpack? I love the Coach, and am so happy I got it, but I need something else too. I have a small black Kipling (sans monkey) that I never use, but I need something bigger, and also something fancier. This whole breast cancer thing really is a damper on my bag collection. And no, I won't have a backpack every day for the rest of my life, but I do think that my daily everyday bags should be so.

Anyway, I need to sleep. My inner alarm clock goes off at 6:45 daily. Where is the damn weekend trigger? Maybe in this glass of wine...