Today, I'm feeling a bit sore already. Like, a little sunburn. I know, it was bound to happen. Hard to walk around with my Monkey Boob exposed so I can let it soak in aloe or La Mer or calendula or a magic potion of all three. But I should, and must.
Owie. I was always a wimp with sunburn, because I tan easily. So I'd whine about having sunburn, and folks would say "Shut up. You're totally super tan". Blessing and a curse. So perhaps the "burn" is not as bad as I am imagining. I'll go look in a little while. Right now I'm stressed, as has been the case all week.
Something I don't chat about a lot, I took a day gig a few years back. I needed insurance, and they loved me enough to hire me, pay me very little (though everyone is paid very little, it's a non-profit), and give me full on gangsta benefits! When I have a tour or any gigs, I use vacation days. When I run out, I take an unpaid leave of absence. And I really do love this joint and most of the folks I work with. Which makes it very nice to come to my day gig even if I had just rolled in from my music gig. And it's happened, last fall I remember 2 incidents where I had gotten home from the airport and also from the train on no sleep, with luggage and equipment, straight to the office. And worked a full day. Because I'm grateful to have insurance and decent people around me, for the most part.
A year or so ago, I was assigned to a new supervisor. Why? I'm not sure. My old supervisor adores me, we work well together, he basically trusted me to do everything on my own and I had improved a ton of systems because of my freedom. Now, I have a control freak who cares little about people (strange, given where we work and what her "specialty" is) but cares about nitpicky things and micro-management. So I get the bare minimum done now. I still do my best, but I have no freedom.
So I started back Tuesday, I had been on disability long enough (and had waited for the check long enough), and really needed to get back and get a more substantial check and ensure that I still have this gig to keep my insurance. The LAST thing I need is to lose my insurance now!
So, yesterday, she asked when I would "make up my hours that I'm missing from radiation treatment".
Huh.
It's 5-6 hours a week.
I'm a human being, trying to get my life back together while battling cancer.
Everyone I've told of this incident thinks this is an ass-wipe move.
I know that legally, there is probably a rule that says I need to work 40 hours. But really? You're giving me shit about it? It's 6 weeks of torture. I can barely eat. (See heading! At least I've lost a few pounds, even if it's the wrong way). Give me a fucking break, bitch.
But because she's so by the book, I need to now talk to HR and see what I can do to either make up for the time, or use FMLA time which is UNPAID. I have taken a massive financial hit in addition to, well, having cancer, trying to fight through these awful treatments. I can't afford a cut, but how am I going to pull that time out of my ass?
The radiologist that I spoke with this morning said he could probably just squeeze me in if I want to schedule earlier. But I can barely deal with the early start time I'm at now.
My Supervisor-zilla suggested that I work through lunch. Oh, good. I have no energy and I feel slightly nauseous. Let's not let me get up and leave the building for an hour. I did it today and it sucked rocks.
Why are people ass holes?
I guess one of the things Cancer is teaching me is that some people seriously suck. And it really sucks that I'm the one with cancer. I don't wish this disease on anyone, but really? Maybe it's teaching me to speak my mind more when I disagree with someone. I told her a bit more about what I thought than what I probably should have.
Oops.
Must be the cancer talking.
Back to the nausea. The good news is that I've dropped a few pounds. The other good news is that hubby knows how to cook and knows all my favorite stuff - so tonight he broiled salmon (and I could NOT believe that fish tasted good to me today!) So, today I had only been able to stomach (and only because I forced myself to eat) raw spinach and mushrooms, and a half cup of homebrew yogurt. Add a salmon filet and a spinach salad (yes, the spinach is really working for me somehow!) Thank goodness for him. He has been a pain at times, but I know his heart is good. And I know we're so totally stressed out here. This day gig issue is not helping out, but in an odd way it's bonding us back together. I may even have him on speaker when I talk to HR tomorrow, if I can get time to chat with them. Maybe on my non-lunch break. Bitch.
Ok, it's time to go look at my poor little burned jellyfish and see how bad she looks. God, I hate this. What if I stop before the 6 weeks are over? I know now that I'm in, I have to complete it. They can't re-radiate the same spot. I just want a fucking break. From treatments, from stupid people... I want my exchange surgery now. I want to not worry about my insurance or money.
But, I did receive my Sprouter and Broccoli Sprouts! They cure everything! Yippee! I'm thinking I should start a batch tonight, and also make a new yogurt batch. I'm not going as far as making our own clothes, but I like making more and more on my own.
Did I mention the Shiso Martinis we made last night? I knew I'd find an interesting recipe for the surplus of shiso leaves we bought the other day! I actually hate martini stuff, but it was really mellow. Highly recommended if you can get your mitts on shiso! I could imagine them with a bit of stevia mixed in, but I actually enjoyed it as is.
Hubs is promising homemade popcorn as soon as my girl finishes her homework. It actually sounds appealing. We make it in coconut oil and put freshly ground pepper and salt (ground as well!) and sometimes a bit of nutritional yeast. Wow, I'm almost hungry just thinking about it. Man, this kid had better hurry up!!!
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