That means 3 more radiation zaps this week. Owie.
Been feeling some twinges from time to time. Also feeling less range of motion. A little discoloration but the $150/oz. Creme De La Mer takes care of that. I also use organic aloe vera gel and calendula spray. The gel is sticky and freaks me out unless I can go "au natural". The spray is super dry but I don't love the smell. I may have to look for a calendula cream, which is a good thing to have regardless.
The good news is that my appetite is better. The bad news? It's better. I did manage to drop a few lbs., but we'll see if I can keep them off. I'm ok at this weight, it's just a few over my ideal. But it's going to be really tough, unless that blessed nausea returns. Especially when I'm so damned hormonal. Men have NO CLUE what we go through with that crap. We could consume millions of calories at the right time of the month. Or wrong time - I should say. Thank goodness for rice cereal and almond milk. Tomorrow I may not be so happy with the scale. It's remarkable, I read so much about cancer affecting body weight. Many times it's medication related, but just as often it's emotional. Being diagnosed with cancer is like a life sentence of PMS.
My husband definitely couldn't have known that he was about to marry a 24/7/365 PMS case. Eating, moody, depressed. I think the docs should prescribe spouses with a good anti-depressant as a default.
Poor guy. I'm trying to be Me, but I feel like my diagnosis scared Me away, and I'm left with all the other crap. And anytime Me tries to sneak back in, there is a reminder. Fatigue, pain, a frozen boob, nausea, ravenosity (damn, that's a fine made-up word!)...
The good news, I only have 20 more radiation torture sessions left. The bad news? 20 more. But I'm hoping we stick to the original plan, which I realized was 27 and not 30. It seems like 3 more sessions would be no biggie, unless you've been through this living hell.
I'm really hoping that the skin stays intact. It actually looks good right now, being only 7 sessions in, and using the goop and potions and jars worth some countries salary. I also have gifted skin, but it still burns. I'm really nervous about show clothes coming up. I sweat like a fat dude on stage, and I never wear sleeves and rarely do I wear straps at all. Even a straight across tube type of dress or a tank top style will most likely show the damaged goods. I am not about to wear a turtleneck on stage!
I had asked the technician the other day how far I should be putting the lotion on, and he said approximately from the middle of my chest, halfway down to my navel and pretty much up to my clavicle, and also under the arm through that section. Um. So, pretty much, I should bathe in lotion. Should I put it in the basket, Precious???
Of course, that was a bigger area than they're treating, but until I can see the lines, better goopy than sorry. Blech. And no, the freaking CDLM is NOT going over that entire thing. I am NOT J. Lo (who reportedly uses La Mer all over her body. Seems her insured booty would take up more than my entire body! If only I had that kind of bread, I'd STILL conserve on the La Mer!)
Back to drama at the day gig. Utter Bullshit.
Everyone is mad that knows about it. I'm working through lunch and staying as late as I can stay awake. It's dumb. Productivity pretty much sucks ass when you don't take a break in the middle of the day, and you stay late just for the sake of clocking in hours. But I also have to go get fitted for a lymphedema sleeve and gauntlet (sounds sexier than it is) probably this week. I found exactly ONE place that will work with my supposedly good insurance for this item. Of course, before I finally found them, I was starting to prepare to buy one on my own and found THIS! Of course, insurance is covering the bland ones. Hubby said if I really wanted this I could get it as well, but it's really only for flying and perhaps long rehearsals etc. So, no thanks. I'll keep my $145. But maybe I can find a cool cover, or bedazzle it on my own! Yes, I have a bedazzler and I know how to use it, thanks to a good friend who took my bedazzling threats seriously. SHINY THINGS!!!
My supervisor has been called very nasty names by my doctors. Such names as: "F*cking *ss Hole*" and my personal shocker favorite: "G*d D*mned C*nt". Yes. They were said by medical professionals. Because they're true. But there's my quandary. 4.60 more weeks of this crap. It's hard to not spew nasty shit at her, but the truth is that I need the insurance desperately. The funny thing is that I think she likes me. I'm sure she treats most people in her life this way. Must be easy to have none friends. Well, as the office manager told me when asking how I felt, "What comes around, goes around". Now, I'm not saying I want my supervisors soon-to-be-born baby to have some awful illness, but I believe it - shit comes back to you. I've had it happen. I've seen it happen. So I just have to sit back and let Karma be my BFF.
Damn, I'm tired. But my broccoli sprouts are gorgeous, my new yogurt batch is made, and I still need to move on the next kombucha batch. I just remembered that I used to refer to it as "mushroom pee" years ago. If I had the energy, I'd laugh.
Eyelids. So heavy. Must stay awake until little girl goes to bed. How pathetic I've become with 7 radiation treatments. Tell me this isn't my fate. Tell me I will again wake up someday. I want Me back.
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