Met the hubby at the gym this evening, and I felt like a girl. Usually I feel strong, I know what I'm doing, but tonight felt like such a struggle. The weights felt so... well, heavy! But he said I was keeping at my usual pace, and even when doing bicep curls, the weight I would have preferred was being taken, so I upped it by 5 on each arm, and somehow struggled through the ends of the sets. I think I cursed a bit under my breath, but I did it.
I keep thinking that I need to get strong now, before they chop me up and I have to lay in a bed full of scar tissue and foreign objects, trying to get to know my brand new body. I figure I should get a head start on it. Plus, I've just been too lazy. I've been depressed about it all. But I know, there is nothing worse than letting yourself sink into that for too long. Yeah, crying is good. Hiding under the covers for a day is therapeutic, as long as it's not a week. Or longer. I haven't had time to cry, or hide. I've been finding snippets of time to do so, and maybe tomorrow will be a good opportunity to go away for a day, in my head. But tonight, I lifted heavy things, I did cardio (which I hate, but I know I need to keep my lymph flowing), and after - we had organic, grass fed burgers. And onion rings. And we laughed a lot. I married my best friend and I'll be damned if this shit ruins our amazing life together.
Fuck you, cancer.
No comments:
Post a Comment