MRI, done. WHAT???

Lawdy. This morning was a doozy. Got my girl to school this morning, and ran home to get ready for my MRI.

I thought of going to my gym to do some red light therapy - it's really relaxing and supposedly the red light might be good for cancer. Meaning bad for cancer, good for me.

But I was too tired. AKA - depressed.

I actually considered not going. I considered never seeing another doctor again.

Then my husband called. And I remembered that sweet girl I dropped off at school, and how she needs me more than anyone right now. I heard the voice of the person I've been waiting for all my life. Shit. We just got married. I can't die now! 

So, I went. I felt so weak. My legs have been hurting me for weeks now. It's all mental, I know.

I had to get undressed and put on a flimsy gown. They put an IV line in my arm. The waiting area was about 50 degrees. They brought me a sheet and put me in front of a heater. I considered asking if I could build a campfire, when I was called into the room. Apparently, MRI's are made to look like a spaceship ride. Only it's not fun. And a lot more expensive.

I had to lay down on what looks deceivingly like a massage table. Same sort of face cradle. Except there are these two humungous holes in the table for your breasts to gently cascade out of. I wanted to tell them that I could use a few sizes smaller, but apparently, all went well. 

I had earplugs and noise canceling headphones. If only there were more they could do. Talk about loud. WHAT??? 

Face down, boobs hanging, I was brought back into the spaceship. Tick, tick, tick, BEEP BEEP BEEP... it went on for what felt like days. But, being a musician, I was rather amused by the way the tempo would speed up, the funny rhythms that sounded like a little kid trying to be a rock drummer on his/her pots and pans in the kitchen. The beeps were piercing. I'll bet if ambulances and police cars put that kind of sound on their sirens, folks would get out of the way a lot faster.

I had to actually stop myself from laughing at some of the rhythms that would start, speed up, and abruptly stop. I didn't want to have to go through this again, especially with the nasty radioactive crap they were pumping into my veins. So I suppressed my laughter and oddly smiled through much of the procedure. I'm sure if they could see my face, I would have gone straight to the loony bin. "Keep the robe on, dearie. We have a nice jacket for you. Buckles up the back..."

When I got up, my arms were numb and tingly from having them overhead all that time. I'm not sure how Superman does it. I told them that it was the worst massage I've ever had.

Oddly, I went the wrong way when I left. I did that before, with hubby. And decided it was a sign to go to Loehmanns. I decided I can buy anything I want to, for being such a good girl. But I got nothing. I didn't feel like trying anything on. I even saw earrings I loved, but I didn't want to stand in line. By the way, there was no line.

I did pick up some fruit and asparagus on the way home. Asparagus is supposed to annihilate cancer. Perhaps that's why pee smells so awful afterwards. It's CANCER!  Maybe not. But I always thought that the awful smell was a sign that something bad was being carried away, so I will continue to eat piles of asparagus until it smells no more.

I barely made it home. I just feel so weak. I walked by the door of a massage place I like, they always take walk in's, but I didn't want to walk up the stairs. I didn't want to take off my clothes and lay on a table. THAT seemed like too much work, and I'm a massage whore, excuse the term. So you know I was definitely not myself. 

I'm home now wishing I'd gotten that massage, but I'm glad to be here. I drank my Zeolite - it is supposed to cure everything. I drank some of my kombucha - it is supposed to cure everything. And I guess I should have some Noni juice too. You guessed it.  

I also ate a gluten free bagel - wasn't really hungry but I had fixed it this morning and it was in my bag. I'm not sure if that was a good move though, I don't think it cures anything.

What to do now? I have to practice but I can't imagine doing it. Maybe I'll get in my sauna bag again. It would be smart to sweat out the crap they pushed into my veins. The other night, I only lasted 20 minutes. But it's better than nothing. I don't feel like I have much of a tolerance for anything right now. If my building lit on fire, I'd have a hard time motivating. Maybe that means I need a nap. Well, at least I'm alive, and the MRI is done. I wish I had a robot to clean my house right now, because that's something I really should be doing. It's not bad, but it's one of those days where a spotless home would be really relaxing. We'll see. Maybe I can man up and get some shit done.