A day to think

My husband has been out working all day and won't be back until well after 2am. And he leaves tomorrow to work out of town until Tuesday night. Late.

Today was to be a day of getting things done. And I did get some stuff done. Laundry (which he normally does, but it's been too crazy around here and I knew he would have to have some clean clothes to bring on his trip!) I did a little cleaning in my clothes - set aside things to donate. Lots more to clean and I'm hoping to get to them tonight, but I've been spontaneously crying. Nobody is around but I still feel like a jerk.

I've known now for over a week that I have cancer. It's no big shock - I've spent much of my life waiting for it. But still, it feels shocking and unexpected.

I took a hot bath and got bored after 3 minutes. I've been nibbling on things all day - on top of everything else I got my period last night. So I'm hormonal too! I am happy it came early though, apparently it's not good to have your period during an MRI, so I'm hoping it will be a short one. The doc told me to not cancel regardless, I mean, I DO have cancer. And I won't get a false negative regardless. He told us that, and it all made sense. I know I need to eat well, but all I want is chocolate! Good thing the only chocolate in the house is protein bars. And my legs feel so weak - the stress and emotions and hormones aren't allowing me to run to the store and grab a bag of cookies. And I don't have the energy to bake them. Maybe I will have a protein shake and go to bed. But I really want to work on making my closets more manageable and my donation pile substantial enough to bring it to the Goodwill tomorrow. Because I need a reason to take a decent walk. Usually I'm a very health conscious person and want to find ways to keep active, but today I didn't leave the house (except to go to the laundry room). I'm depressed, at least temporarily.

Wouldn't you be?

I'll make a separate entry explaining little nutritional things I've been up to since the diagnosis. What I really should do is crawl into my sauna bag and sweat out some toxins. I have even read that cancer patients who use sauna regularly can decrease the size of tumors, or something along those lines. Apparently, above a certain temperature, those suckers die off. And I know my rubbery legs will feel invigorated. I just have to set it up... and I'm feeling so apathetic right now.

Ok, I just convinced myself that I shouldn't be an idiot - so off I go to sauna for at least 30. Need a big glass of ice water first, it's hot as hell already!