Feeling weak

Stupid. I feel weak. My legs feel like rubber bands.

I'm a strong girl. I used to be a personal trainer. But this morning, I could barely stay on an elliptical for 30 minutes. I just want to sleep. I just want to eat. This could go in a bad direction if I don't keep myself in check.

I'm not undergoing any treatment yet. I'm pretty much the same physically as I was a few weeks ago, before my diagnosis. The mind is a powerful little sucker, huh?

So now, my daughter will be home soon. I have to pick up the house, and cook dinner. And look happy. I will be happy to be with her, but I dread the fact that someday soon, we will have to tell her.

This morning I saw my hubby off to his weekly teaching gig. He either flies or takes a train. Today, it was the train, which is better for me. Especially today. The only reason I made it to the gym at all, which is close to the station. But being alone today with my brain yammering has been a weird experience. I don't mind it, but I do know that I'm depressed. I think I'm going to have to "man up" so to speak, and have some video game fun with my daughter tonight!

Tomorrow morning after I drop her at school, I'll head to the MRI. I'm not looking forward to being locked in a tube for hours, listening to gunshots and being unable to move or breathe at times. I may just have to treat myself to something special after. Though, that something special may be just a cab ride home and a good cry under the covers.