Had what I thought was my last fill today. But, I'm going in again next week. I'm not mad. But I'm uncomfortable, as usual. We really like our plastic surgeon and his assistant. Real humans. They have both opened up to us as people, and personally - I am surprised. I got the impression in the beginning that they were not that "type", but I've come to realize that hubby and I have a way of attracting "our people" to us, and letting them know that we enjoy their essence, not just what they do or how they look or what they wear. We like their vibe. I didn't imagine they'd be the types to open up like this, but I guess week after week of us coming in and talking about kickboxing, or bouncing on trampolines, or having pushup contests, makes them realize that we're having fun with our lives and we are sarcastic mf'ers, and no matter how crappy life is at that second, we love the big picture, and the journey is what makes it all magical. No, I'm not kickboxing or any of that. But I did ask in all seriousness when I'd be able to get back on the trapeze and was told maybe 6 weeks after the final surgery! I'M SO FREAKING EXCITED TO HEAD BACK TO STREB this summer with the family!
Sunday, we had 30 people here. Cooked up a storm. It was wonderful, having all of that good, positive energy. here. Started at 1pm, and our last guests left at about 2am. Needless to say, my sleep has been off since then. Tonight, I will be sure to take a little melatonin. Egads.
The good news is that the doc approved me to play my instrument again - like me, soon. The bad news is that we don't know about radiation or chemo, still. Appointment with oncologist Dec 14 to discuss further. Since the cancer was so close to the skin, and also bits and pieces were actually found in the lymph (very little, but it still raises some concern), we need to discuss. Ugh.
It's so interesting, a flood of work offers. The funny thing is that since all of this cancer garbage, I'm more inclined to accept the ones that make my heart happy - usually the ones either close to home or short-term, the ones surrounded by good people and good vibes and good music, the ones that can enrich my life, rather than my resume, bank account, or ego. Those things don't make a person happy. I've known this for a very long time, but sometimes it's hard to resist - and sometimes, the money is essential. I've been good for the past couple of years, but then someone hangs a huge bag of status in my face, and my mind races - along with my anxiety, and my debt taps me on the shoulder, just to remind me. You know, when you see death hanging out in your living room with you, just staring at you, following you around your everyday for a few months, you realize that life is meant to be lived with people you love and adore, doing things that you love and adore. That doesn't mean slacking off and not being responsible - on the contrary! It really is about your quality of life - being comfortable in your home, working to pay the bills - yes - but not hating your work that pays your bills. If a situation is less than perfect, which most are, making the best of it and seeing the good in it. Making changes that are realistic. Simplifying your life so that you can live within your means. Not stressing about things that will make your life better - like a massage chair. In all honestly, it has changed our lives for the better. All 3 of us. And that is worth sacrificing for. But sacrificing what? Dinners at fancy places, or some new clothes, or a fancy handbag? Who cares. We love to cook. We buy quality, organic ingredients that can only enhance our lives. We enjoy the act of creating. Even my daughter loves that we eat at home a lot - home cooked. We had turkey soup tonight that I had made from leftover turkey from our party. She had 3 bowls! She said it was amazing. And, I agree. I do my own nails when I do them. I color my hair (what grey hair???). We clean our own house, we do our own laundry, and get my hair cut 2 times a year, max (usually through a groupon). We walk as much as possible. But these things don't feel like sacrifices, these things all enhance our quality of life. And when we do go out for dinner, it's a treat. I've dated men in the past who pretty much eat out as a rule. And I hated it. It became boring. Eating at home is never boring for us, somehow. We try new things, new recipes, new foods, and always sit down at a clean table, and TALK. Never watching tv or a movie. Never reading or listening to personal music. It's our time to share. Quality of life. Get more if you don't already!
We've been slowly simplifying our home. It's an ongoing process. She's really good at it. A keyboard that was mine many years ago was gifted to a friend's daughter this weekend, and she adores it. Mine enjoyed it for years and years but has not played for a while - and we have a nice piano now, anyway. Passing things along to friends, charities, even eBaying, are all good ways to pass happiness along. Someone will always find happiness in something that you no longer love. In our building, a lot of old folks are residents. We like to leave things downstairs and they ALWAYS get picked up. Dishes, cooking things, fans, just left 3 air purifiers we no longer needed, clothes, shoes, and books. Our laundry room has a large bookshelf and residents leave books there that they no longer need. We're all free to take or borrow. It's amazing. I've brought probably 200+ books down there in my 13 years of living here. And from time to time, I see them resurface. I also will borrow a book once in a while. I prefer this system to having overcrowded bookshelves. Most of our books are spiritual, or text we need for work, or music books. But sometimes we will purchase a book that has a limited shelf life, for us - and we can pass the good vibes around the world. At least this little one! But sometimes we'll bring things downstairs, come back up for 30 minutes and then go out again - pass the trash room to find that every treasure we left has been claimed. Good for the environment and the soul!
Another new love of mine, Himalayan Salt Lamps. I bought one a while back for the bedroom, and we really love it. I haven't bought from the site in the link, but through Groupon (unfortuantely, that deal expired). I bought the bedroom one months ago out of curiosity, and it really has made our bedroom feel more peaceful. So when they came up again, I got a jumbo one for the livingroom, and 2 more as gifts for our daughters for Christmas (I'm pretty sure they don't read this blog, but it's ok if they do!) There is something about that orange glow that makes us breathe deeper. I don't care if it's in our minds. The mind is a powerful thing, and whatever can make ours happier is worth it. So, salt lamps it is.
This has been a rambling entry. Oh. Most are. I think the word "blog" sounds like a noise you'd make while throwing up anyway, so it makes sense.
Quality of life. Picking the people, places and things you love. Making the best of your time on the planet. And a tight chest again. That is temporary. Life is, too. I can smile through pain, because I'm surrounded by beauty. And life. Lots of life around me and within me.
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