Hubby really wanted to go out last night, to our favorite jazz club. I figured it probably wouldn't be super crowded. It was pretty packed but I got a stool at the bar and guarded my left side with my life (of course that's the side that everyone had to walk by unless I sat backwards). I had a hard time deciding what to wear - ended up with some skinny pants (even though I've gained a few lbs. through this ordeal) and a camisole over my 11 year old's bra with a baggy button down top. I never took off my scarf - I felt like it masked what was going on. I also put on bronzer, fake eyelashes, and lipstick. I figure, it would be easier to distract people with big-ass eyelashes on.
Some folks knew what was up, but many didn't. I had weird pains now and again - phantom or real, I felt them. I'm sure my pec is still pissed off, poor girl is stretched to the outer limits and this is just the beginning - but maybe my nerves are starting to come alive again? I know hubby was rubbing my back and some spots hurt so much - I think I overdid it on our cheap massage seat when things were more numb. But that's ok. I'm alive. I wish I could go get a real massage. I wish I could get rolfed - I did it a few years ago and it helped tremendously. I'll go back when all of this is done and over and I get the okey dokey. My body is going to need some serious realignment!
We've been talking about a little get together. I'm a hermit by nature, contrary to what many believe. I have this reputation of being a social butterfly, but really, I crave silence - alone. All my life. I love my friends and I need to invite them in more. With all of this downtime, and once school is up and running again, I will have more alone time through the healing process. And I will begin to get stir crazy. And if it snows, I will be paranoid to go out and risk slipping on ice and allowing my left arm to break my fall, ripping my muscle and somehow, having the expander flop out of my body and into a snowbank. All that work for nothing!
Of course, I'm kidding. But still. I feel pretty paranoid. I walked sideways past people last night so there would be no chance of them catching my shoulder. It was suggested that I could wear a sling but I think that would not help my recovery. Though I'm still considering it just when I go out. Probably not, but a good idea nevertheless.
Time for a cup of miso broth. My breakfast of banana and peanut butter was good, but I need something warm and reminiscent of my mom. It's funny how you crave things that remind you of who you wish could be with you at the moment. I don't even think that was a proper sentence, but I'll leave it as is. I might even pour a cup of coffee - that also reminds me of her. And might bring my mood up a bit.
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