Whew. We went to a friend's house last night for Thanksgiving, and it was so nice to see them, and enjoy some ridiculously good cooking. The great thing was that only our friends knew - the other guests had no idea that I had a saline bag under my shirt. And only one nipple!!! Somehow I didn't over eat, but the conversations were as wonderful as the meal - art collectors, travels, bodywork, all sorts of fun stuff.
We got home late, and hubby fell asleep immediately, but I was up. Watched a wonderful movie - Happy! It's on Netflix if you're a subscriber. Really a beautiful story, and it made me realize how much happier I am in my life now, even though I'm breast-less. Well, I have one. But, how lucky am I? How happy am I? I've finally got a wonderful family. I've learned a lot about my friends, and have proved to myself that my editing process in the past was good - most of my friends understand me and are willing to shift according to how I'm feeling. I love my solitude. I love my friends. I need both. With something like cancer, sometimes you need to not communicate, and sometimes you need to communicate a lot. I'm happy to have people in my life that understand that.
Woke up WAY too early today, but that's how it rolls. I think my saline bag has a built in alarm set to "early". And once I'm up, I'm up. It hurts to lie down again knowing that I'll have to go through the process of getting up again, soon. So I've been buzzing on about 5 hours sleep. I'm used to it, but it's not what I strive for these days. I need to heal, I need my head to be right. That doesn't help. But, we started some deep cleaning, the kind that nobody will ever appreciate but us. Papers. CD's. That crap that seems to pile up in little drawers and corners and boxes in closets. Lots to do still, but it was refreshing to reorganize crap, and get rid of crap. The getting rid of is my favorite. Now the house looks like a bomb hit it, but it's ok. I'm tired. I'm trying to not binge eat since I'm so tired and my body craves energy (apparently cookie energy, but I'm resisting for now). I'm going to go ahead and read some of my new Warriors book that my daughter checked out for me from the school library because she can't find her copy and knew I finished book 2. I mean, seriously, this kid... she told me that she kept checking because someone had it out, and I believe her - I can see her going to the school library every day to see if the book was returned. How did I luck out and get such a great kid??? Sometimes I'm amazed that I made her. She has always reminded me so much of my Mom. Magic Girl.
Lots to do tomorrow - lots of cooking and cleaning. I'd love to attempt some more cleaning now, but my brain is just crying. I'm so exhausted. We got a lot done today, and I think a few chapters would be therapeutic. Hopefully, a nap will sneak attack on me while I'm reading.
I'm looking forward to being me again. I still don't have range of motion, that damned scar tissue and the freaking balloon under my pec is a real pain. But, it's better than cancer. Still waiting for radiology answers, it sounds like I'm in such a grey area. At this moment, with what I know, I am inclined to say "screw it" and just keep watch. I need to get my life back sooner rather than later. I can keep drinking that awful baking soda and lemon water. I can choke down the Noni. I can blend the cottage cheese and flaxseed oil. I can take turmeric every day. And I can breathe, knowing that I have love around me, even when I'm alone.
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