Yesterday I managed to put on my sneakers, and pedal on a recumbent bike at my gym for an hour. At level 1. I'm pretty sure any 90 year old sedentary person could have beaten me in a stationary bike race, somehow. Oh, that image makes me chuckle! But I did it! I came in second place in a 2 person race with an imaginary great-grandma! YIPPEE!
And, I did it again today. Reading really passes the time. We don't have tv at home, and I find I get bored watching when doing cardio. But a good book about cats from my 11 year old and I'm pedaling away like the wicked witch! "I'll get you, my kitty!!!"
I also decided to check out the reflexology joint. For an hour, I sat in a la-z-boy recliner while my feet were kneaded, prodded and worked into oblivion. It's amazing. I am well aware of the reflexology map. She started on my left foot - my cancer side, if you will. I felt all sorts of pins and needles in my phantom breast. All those "crunchies" started to melt away in my plantar fascia - the stuff that lays over the muscles and under the skin. My whole body started to relax in some bizarre blissful state. I couldn't open my eyes. I listened to the waterfall and the bad new age crap music. I felt myself intentionally breathing deeper than usual. My right foot was as blissful, and did not make the nerves on my left *thing* fire. At times throughout, I felt a rush to my head, a tingling happy sensation that seemed to massage my scalp and let me know that I would be ok. Like some kind of freaky massage angel or ghost assisting with the footwork - but really, it's all connected.
I'm seriously considering making this a once a week treat. My back, neck and pretty much everything else on my body is pissed off. I can't blame it. Not only was something totally chopped off, but this water balloon was implanted, and each week, when I finally feel a tiny bit of relief since the skin stretches out, gets another fill. Yes, I want the fills. I want to muscle through this and be done sooner rather than later. At the same time, I am tired of hurting. Every morning, it seems like it takes a few hours to get used to this new and ever changing body. Every evening, the pins and needles start, and by the time I attempt to lay down in bed, I consider making a pot of coffee just so I don't have to lay down and sleep. Of course, that's dumb. But it does occur.
I've found a new respect for Advil PM. One pill (a half dose) seems to allow me to lay awake and read a book or watch Netflix (last night, a double episode of Quincy!) I really disliked the hospital pain killers, and they didn't even help me sleep. Advil was contraindicated until the drain came out, so this is a relief. When will I feel normal again? Ever?
I've found this stubborn voice in my head that wants me to lay on my right side to sleep, even though it's very uncomfortable at first. Once the jellyfish settles down, it feels better on my back, but getting to that point is sometimes too painful to bear. For some reason, I didn't expect so much discomfort this far along. Why not? I know I'm hyper-aware of my body, I know way too much about anatomy and Eastern Medicine. Which brings me to my next question - is it ok to have cupping therapy? I have my own set that use suction, not fire. I find SO MUCH relief, taking that stagnant, crappy Qi out. Would western docs approve? What do the Easterns say? I guess I'll be on the Google finding out. I mean, at this point it's really more of a surgical site than actual cancer, so it seems like less of an issue. Sigh. To have my old body back would be super duper just about now...
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