Yup. As of Friday, February 7, I have been Tamoxifen free.
Do I feel different? HELLS YES!
I'm ME again, or at least, getting closer to Me.
Hubs and I went to the gym Friday after dental appointments (because my gums have been in pain, bleeding, and I was worried about all these women on tamoxifen losing teeth) and of course, my jaw pain has made me want to simply die. Have to go for a panoramic x-ray next week so we can keep track of everything. I haven't had a teeth x in many, many years, but it seems that I need it now.
At the gym, I had tears in my eyes the whole workout. My joints hurt me so badly, everything cracked as I moved (or not) and I really felt like a mass of living hairline fractures. I couldn't even do the rower because my hands were so cramped. I basically worked out like a girl. And that's not ME.
Ok, I am a girl, but I like to lift like an athlete. I no longer feel remotely like I could even play freaking ping pong.
So, hubby told me to not take my meds. That's all I needed to hear. I've wanted to stop for months (see: um, my blog!) but hearing it from his face, watching my pain, it felt like I was finally right. I tried it for nearly a year. And now, I'm completely wrecked, but hey, it could have been another 4 years and I'd be dead from the side effects.
It's only been 2 missed pills, going on 3 tonight. I worked out like a maniac, I didn't want to cry when I woke up (joint pain was minimal, as was jaw pain), I even did the rower for an hour (it was going to be 30 minutes, but I kept pushing). Then I walked for a while, and now, I'm back home. And I actually feel almost GOOD. Like, life is worth living again! Ironic, no?
I have to be super careful on my diet stuff and exercise, but I feel like I'm more in a position to heal now.
Fuck you, Tamoxifen.
Love, Me
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