I can't express how AMAZING I feel compared to a week ago.
Oh, I guess I kind of just did.
Each day has become progressively more positive. I now have a little bit of my filter back, so I'm not in as much danger of getting shot because I'm yelling at some lunatic. Oh, actually, I would be the lunatic.
I'm still super toxic. I can feel it. But I've been really good about eating as clean as I can. Taking detox stuff like Zeolite. Drinking my home brew Kombucha with chia seeds. I'm still pretty hungry but am being smart about it, I hope. My metabolism hasn't changed, but I hope it will. It's only been a week. I do feel like this horrible Tamoxifilm has been lifted from me. I felt encased in it. A layer of toxic filth.
I'm getting there. And I'm doing everything I can to do the right things so that, in the words of my oncologist, I don't regret my decision. Hey - you know what? I don't want the cancer to spread, either. But, I have felt like the living dead for at least 6 months of this past year. So, if I feel happy and like myself again, I am more able to fight back. Plus? If I die, I have been able to enjoy my time. The tamoxifen made me want to die at times. All that pain. For what? It's not even an actual cure. It's bullshit.
Hoping that my bone density will improve. Still taking those crazy live calcium supplements. My joints and hip and spine have started to feel a bit better. Is it because I'm happier? Who cares. I'm headed in a positive direction.
I am so excited to once again enjoy my life. I'm starting to get my chops together again. I really was at a point where I was afraid to accept gigs. I thought about retiring, going out on a "high note". Because physically, I had a very difficult time playing, and dancing, and smiling, really. No need to tank my career in public. But now? I have new hope that I can get back to where I was. Maybe beyond. Yes, beyond. Because I'm here to kick ass. And now I feel like I can, hopefully without dislocating my hip.
Time to clean up a bit. Hubs left for a business trip. Yeah. It's Valentine's Day, or "VD", as some folks call it. Yuck! We love each other every day and I'm thrilled he's working. I've got a full schedule tomorrow, and Sunday is a day with my little girl, as is Wednesday. The other days? Packed to the gills. But, you know what? I feel like I can function again. I went from 3-4 cups of coffee a day to 1. Ok, I'm lying because I had 2 today, but one was before the gym - the toxicity feels like it expels in spurts, and leaves me catatonic. So, I made an espresso... and struggled through my workout. It was better than nothing!
So much to do, and I'm thrilled that I can now physically do at least much of it! Tamoxifen, I hate you. Life, I love you.
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