Come on, give Grandma a little smooch!

Went to see my dentist today - been so busy being Cancery, that I was severely delayed in making the appointment. Luckily, I'm a star patient and they barely have to clean anything. However, the gums are hurting, and of course that's all from my friendly Tamoxicrud.

It was nice to see the crew - hubby finally went in too. They're so thorough and thoughtful and honest and, just good people.

Have to go for a panoramic x-ray tomorrow. As much as they want to avoid that stuff, especially for me, they need a baseline in case my jaw gets worse, or my teeth fall out.

Glad we both went. I'm a tooth fanatic. I am always mindful of my teeth and am, quite frankly, vain.

We hit the gym after. I'm not used to doing much of anything at night with this joint pain. I was frustrated. Made it through, but I basically feel like I'm just a pile of walking hairline fractures, that my joints are all dislocated, and that I'm an OLD LADY. I think hubby deserves someone younger than 90. Jesus.

A lovely dinner, and when my tamoxifen alarm went off, hubby instructed me to not take it. Well, instructed sounds like he's driving. I've wanted to at least take a break for months. He said I should lay off until he's back from his business trip - in 2 weeks.

I'm all for it. This is no life. By the time 7pm rolls around, I can barely talk. My jaw is throbbing, and all I can think about is this wonderful fantasy that I DIE. Because everything hurts. Every night. No matter what I do. Sometimes, 80's dance music helps me forget, but it's not enough. I just need to cut this shit out.

Plus, I have no filter. I yelled at several people in the street today. I could have been killed. Maybe that's why I do it - because I want to be put out of my misery. Perhaps not the best method.

Actually at the gym, I realized why Tamoxifen was created. So that patients don't want to get old! This shit SUCKS. I actually don't want to go through any of it again. I'd happily die at 50 like my mom did. But, I don't want that for my daughter. I'm still traumatized by her death in my teens.

I had considered going to hubby's gig, but in this cold weather, my joints are more of a mess. Better stay inside and keep warm. I have half a bottle of red wine that says I will be nice and toasty.