Rest in Peace... recipe for chocolate bark... Chocolate helps a broken heart.

Just back from a memorial service. He was only a year or so older than I am. Gone. Wonderful wife and 7 year old son - left behind.

I don't want to be next. I have these dreams that I'm at my own funeral. I can't seem to tell people that I'm there. It's crazy. I see them crying. I cry, too. But I can't. Because I'm not there. It's all so surreal, and I wake up wondering how I got back into life.

Does this mean I'm going soon? Does it mean I'm scared? Does it mean that my life is changing drastically? I have no clue.

I do know that I made the best chocolate bark the other night.

Equal parts of coconut oil, cocoa powder and honey. All organic, please.

Melt together. Pour into a glass container lined with parchment paper - make it a THIN layer. Freeze for an hour. Break apart when solid. Keep in fridge. Watch your kid enjoy this stuff and think that they're getting away with junk food.

Seriously.

Anyway, I spent a lot of time in the gym this morning - hubs away on business. Lifted for 30 minutes, but didn't lollygag or chit chat or Facebook or text or whatever. It was intense. Then, the rowing machine for an hour. Let's see how my back feels tomorrow. If it's ok, I'll do it all again.

I have so much to do, yet I just want to lay in bed and watch a movie. I didn't even touch my instrument today - that never happens. I'm just emotionally spent.

My hair has been feeling a bit straw like. I put it up in a bun for the service, but before I did, I slathered it with coconut oil. OH MY GOD. It is like actual hair now, the kind that you want to have on your head. I love this shit. My skin has been amazing on it - I use it as a makeup remover and moisturizer at night. It's a bit slick for under makeup, so I still use this stuff with, what we refer to as, snail pee. It's the slime from snails, somehow.

Ok. I need to coconut my face, brush my teeth (maybe even do some oil pulling). I'd really love to buy fewer products and just use nature. Yes. That includes *Cancer Medication*. These f*cking pills I take nightly that are slowly killing me. Methinks that is not the best way to go - by the cure. And, it's not a cure. Agh. Can I just drink coconut oil every night to kill the cancer? I mean, seriously...