So, my daughter got through her oral surgery like a champ. If only I were as awesome as she is!!! No swelling, pretty much forgot about the pain the next day when she asked for a slice of pizza. Her doc is one helluva guy- his office sucks. But I'd rather have an amazing surgeon and a crappy office staff, than the other way around!!!
In other news, I still feel uncomfy, but life will continue starting tomorrow, as it had before surgery. I've taken work, gigs, real life shit.
What bras to wear? What to do? How to restrict myself? I dunno. I want to be me as I always was, but, after cancer, that's just not possible. I can't go and find a bunch of lymph nodes to put back in my pit so I don't have to worry about lymphedema. I can't flex my left arm without my entire foobie flexing too. I guess it is a cool trick, but I just want to be able to open a door without my entire breast doing a dance. Every time I use my arm, it's a reminder.
Oh, and by the way - fuck you, cancer.
I'm still a bit sore from surgery but not so bad. I am sure that my bra choices will be key from this point on. But, I don't know when I should shop. I know things are settling in. I want to get measured for real, but when? I assume the swelling is now gone, but with the radiated skin, things are constantly shifting. I do worry that my skin will keep shrinking on my left side, but I guess that's something for the plastic surgeon to worry about. Oh, wait - every time he does anything to me, it knocks me out of the game of life. Well, now, that sucks.
Any cancer girls here have any non-ugly bras to recommend? Yeah, I bought the ones that are basically nylon. I hate the way they look and gave one to my daughter, who loves it. I still have 2.
I still like my Danskin bras, but they're racerback and so athletic looking. I don't mind that, but sometimes, I'd like to look as if I'm not about to run a marathon.
I can start pulling out my old bras and see what works, but it makes me cringe to think about trying on bra after bra after bra, when I'm still a little sore. So, I'll stick to my lady jock straps for now. Really, who cares if I'm still wearing these things with spaghetti strap tops? I mean, I did it for many months. Oh, and I have cancer. So just try and say something about my ugly-ass bra straps!!!
Sigh. But that isn't me. I just want to feel feminine again. It's hard after going through this. Having very feminine parts removed permanently from your body. Yeah, there's an implant there now. It does NOT look feminine. It gives the appearance of not having lost a body part that fed my child. Well, when I'm dressed. Undressed, it is a ripply mass with a scar across the entire width and is nipple-less. I'm a circus freak. So are many, many other women.
So, I guess, in a few weeks I go for another doc visit. I'll ask when I should get measured. I have felt so patient and impossibly impatient throughout this ordeal. I want things done. I know they can't be rushed. Besides losing my mom, it's definitely the most traumatic shit, ever. I was 18 when she died. I was not ready. I was nearly 41 when I got diagnosed. Nobody is ever ready.
Just give me one comfortable, frilly bra that doesn't hurt and fits and makes me look like a woman again. I really don't ask for much!!!
Side note: I did buy new bikinis very recently, and they are the most perfect. Ever. I bought tops that mask the scar and cover enough of the implant to hide all rippling that I can see now. So all is not lost, or masculine, in my wardrobe. I can tough this out... but for how much longer?
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