My prognosis - Awesome. Direct quote from my radiation oncologist. It was nice to see him out of the club and in the medical setting. Yup. He comes to my gigs. He dances like he doesn't care. Perhaps a bit tipsy, but I like that he has fun.
Lots of scar tissue - no surprise there. My plastic surgeon reassured us that he would break it up on Thursday during the procedure. Egads. The shit is awful. I feel like an alien.
I can not wait to feel human. I really can not express how awful it feels to be a cancer patient for so many reasons, and I don't have it as bad as some do. I feel disconnected with my body. I feel sad. I feel grateful, but mad. I feel trapped, by the medication, by my inability to wear a regular bra, or even a swimsuit. The scars and missing pieces, the burn marks (now tan lines), the PTSD, all of that shit just sucks rocks.
And then, there's the good stuff. I'm breathing. Other than the red bean ice cream I just devoured (got it for my daughter and she didn't like it - ummmm, but I did! And I'm hormonal!) I've been doing well with my weight. Speaking of hormonal, my clockwork periods (not orange) have changed drastically to a guessing game. Like musical chairs. You never know when the music will stop. It seemed to happen every 2 weeks but now has been MIA for almost 4. I'm anticipating that it will arrive in time for surgery or early recovery like last time. And I have too much dignity to get help trying to keep it all in check. I really did suffer through that last recovery with the damn uterine crap. Hopefully this time it will stay away for a bit and let me suffer in peace. *whimper*
But! I'm here!
Yesterday, hubby, my guitarist and I played for a Survivor's Day. Yeah, I'm not a fan of the term, but it was a really nice day for us all. Sappy saps. We all cried at various moments - so many inspiring folks, so many good vibes, so much damn mayonnaise. For some reason, at the luncheon, there was an overabundance. And, I love mayo. So I think I filled my quota for the next 3 months. Potato salad, egg salad, cole slaw, tuna salad ... there was lots of pasta that I didn't mess with, some healthier veggie things, but the main course was - basically - a jar of mayo in my belly. There were also plenty of cold cuts, what I lovingly refer to as "sweaty meats". I decided to forego said delicacies because they affect my playing. Plus, who has time for that when you have mayonnaise???
*urp*
So here I sit, watching my daughter draw, cat asleep and totally upside down next to me on the couch. Hubby's out working.
Tomorrow we have an "interview" for a summer program for my girl. It's a camp type of thing, with some math and English courses. But fun stuff too - swimming, dancing, music, and other cool stuff. I sure hope we can get her in, it's late in the game but we're trying. It was recommended to us by her counselor at school, who put in a good word so we could get our application in after the deadline. Fingers crossed! She thinks it's weird that it's in a college, but I've reassured her that she is not actually going to go to college, but will go to a college. Ah, so confusing.
Time for my tamoxithin. Had a wicked hot flash after leaving the appointment today, right after I told my doc that I rarely have them. You have never seen a crazier lady rip off her sweater and put her umbrella down in a rainstorm just so she could feel the cold water!!!
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