We have a winner.

Wow. What a difference a Doc makes.

I just took my first Tamoxifen. It was scary.

But we have a good Oncologist on our side. One that isn't afraid to discuss everything we want to discuss. One that doesn't try to intimidate me into taking crap without telling me specifically why. I can't believe I took it. But her discussion totally made sense. And I remembered that my mom's cancer spread everywhere. And that's something I don't want. Incurable cancer. Not that I feel like I've been cured - if that were 100% true, I wouldn't need to take these freaking pills.

I'll see. If they blow chunks, I'll call her up and feel like I really do have an ally in her. Even though she is a Big Important Medical Doctor Person Who Specializes in Cancer Victims. Yes, I'm a victim. Wahhh. Poor me.

Nah. She liked that hubs and I had so many questions, thoughtful discussions, a Big Picture Plan (like, if this crap makes my life suck, it ain't gonna be worth it). Why live a life that makes you miserable? She gets it. She's young. She said the hardest hit are the young patients. I think I just made it into that category. I have a lot of life to live, I keep myself healthy, I am active and in love and a mom and I want to smile every day and mean it.

So, we'll see if it sucks rocks or if it's ok. I trust her. Definitely over the other oncologist. We'll call her Dr. Beeyatch.  Actually, we won't call her anything. Though we did see her. She seemed to recognize us. That's fine. Chemistry is everything when it comes to health care and being honest. I can tell the Good Doctor if I decide to never take another Tamoxifen pill ever again. She will discuss other options or simply monitoring closely. She won't make me feel like an ass for picking what's most important. Quality of life. If I have a choice between 40 really shitty years, or 10 good ones, I know my choice.

So, here goes. I'm going to try and convince myself that they are magical pills - a combination of cancer killer/diet/anti depressant/super power inducers. Where's my cape?????

My daughter's first school play was tonight. She was ridiculously brilliant. I mean it. This is a kid who hates being on stage. Damn. I love that kiddo.