Auditioning a New Oncologist today.

You heard right. Auditioning. I may not make her sing or tap dance, but the last oncologist didn't leave me with a warm fuzzy feeling about my cancer care. "Take these pills and go away" is hardly care. So, let's hope contestant number 2 gives a shit about me more than my estrogen receptors.

Been having a rough time in homework land. I know. She's 11. And I'm tired.

School play opens tonight. While I'm excited, my girl has had a rough time. She lost my shoes that she was using as costume shoes. Twice. They were found the first time, not so lucky the second. Do I think someone took them? Probably. They were brand new Puma flats. Comfy and cute. Perfect for her. But she doesn't care for things. She left them - twice - in the auditorium. Not in the dressing room where they belong.

Am I mad about the shoes? I'm more upset that she is careless. I'm the opposite. Touring makes you hyper-aware of your belonging. Different hotels every night, different dressing rooms, the Dummy Check is essential and ha revealed things almost left behind: chargers, music, books, scarves, and even phones and laptops.

I'm hoping that she has learned from this. I know she feels bad, but will that change her carelessness? She said yesterday that she no longer wants a phone. Because she's afraid of losing it. I told her she'll never be able to walk to school or home alone. Imagine high school - me picking up my 17 year old daughter? "Hi, Sweetie!!! Over here! OVER HERE!!! Hi, baby girl!!! Oooh, who's that cute boy you're talking to? Hi! I'm her Mommy! Yes. I pick her up from school every day. A date? Sure. Where are WE going?"

Yeah. That's not going to work out.

Anyway, baby steps. She's showing a lot of her dads traits. Irresponsible. Lazy. But also some good ones - funny. That's all that comes to mind from his side and that's honest. That's why I fell in love with him. He is funny as hell, and handsome. If I'd only known the real truth about him. But I love my daughter, and she wouldn't exist without him. I'm glad my life is headed in a positive direction, despite this cancer. I believe her life is headed in a more positive direction, too. Which means that she'll either have less contact or be less influenced by her father, or maybe he'll just fade away like he always threatens to. I'm not getting my hopes up that he will change. But on this side, we have the ability to evolve. Apparently, that's what Pokemon do as well.