Rolled home at about 1:30am from a gig in Philly, and got to sleep around 4am. Woke up at 6am. Why? My alarm was set for 8am (not for fun, I actually have a lot to do today). My head is NOT loving me right now - but I had a great evening, a great show, and I kept my diet in check. In Philly.
Got to the club and they weren't ready to soundcheck. The band was down the street eating Philly Cheesesteaks. Luckily, I was smart and made myself an organic peanut butter sandwich on Ezekiel bread right before leaving. The old me? I used to eat so much - I LOVE FOOD. I'm a foodie. Growing up poor, I still clean every speck off of my plate as habit - can't waste a morsel. Starving children in other countries... I get it. But now - I want to get a grip on something in my life, and of course, I don't want to be bloated for a show. Plus, this joint was NOT famous for cheesesteaks, so really - there was no point in the calories. Plus, I wasn't hungry.
I have officially reached my pre-cancer weight this morning. Thank you, brain, for keeping me from ordering a big old nasty plate full of bleached flour bread with meat scraps and government cheese. Damn, that sounds tasty right now, though!
I even came home to leftover pizza - I ordered for my girl and our friends who hung with her last night (hubs had a gig and arrived home about 30 minutes after I did). I ordered 2 pizzas and 2 salads - half of a salad was gone as were 9 slices - which left 7. I brushed my teeth, poured a Schmailey's (definitely worth the calories!), hubby came home and devoured 2 slices while I had a second Schmailey's (it's a small glass, promise!) I watched him eat and wiped the drool off of my chin, but I knew that at 2am my body did NOT need white flour crust and government cheese and tomato sauce. Now - I may have a slice before I head out the door, but I can NOT believe the restraint I have shown in the past few weeks. Ever since the Tamoxifen.
I don't know. Maybe I hate the idea of putting that stuff in my body on a chronic basis, that I want to keep as much as I can in check. And yes, I've been afraid of gaining weight on the dreaded meds - *everyone* does. Well, Fuck That. I have worked too hard all of my adult life becoming the shape I am now to throw that away because of some fucking cancer shit.
Plus, think of the savings! Haha. Co-pay for tamoxifen: $10/month. Savings on food bills: way more than $10/month. The other night I wanted steak but had hubby cook 2 NY Strips and divvy it up between the three of us. In the past? I would have eaten an entire strip and chased it with a bowl of cereal or something. And yes, the steak was grass fed organic. Life is too short to cook with crappy ingredients. More expensive? Duh. But hey - life is to be enjoyed, not destroyed.
I think I just made that up. Maybe it's the coffee talking.
Holy Crap. I'm tired. Guess I'll warm up before I head out. On my agenda - apple buying at the farmers market! We ran out - a tragedy in my world. Especially the yummy ones that actually came off of a tree, not gassed in a basement and/or trucked across the country.
And yes, that pizza is calling me. I'm going to make it happen, and it's going to be delicious and well deserved.
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