Had some very intense acupuncture early yesterday morning (man, I'm glad I still have some Qi after all of this crap!) followed by a visit to my Radiation Oncologist. It's been a year since I had him burn the crud out of my foob. Time flies when you're enraged on bad meds!
We told him that I stopped. We told him that I wanted to kick my oncologist in the head because she doesn't listen. She memorizes books. Like the other oncologist who got the boot (unfortunately, not to the head, either).
I wish they had a match.com for doctors. That way, you could type in your likes, dislikes, and find a doctor who is compatible. Bring on Contestant #3...
I did ask my radiation dude if he'd just be my oncologist. Yeah, it's not his job, but he looked over my chart and though I had three tumors, they were Well Differentiated. Plus, I am doing so well on my diet since getting off the poison. Because, now, I'M responsible. It was easy to make excuses on the meds for my diet- emotionally and , well, I'm taking the meds so I am not as responsible if the cancer returns or travels. Yeah, now it's all me, my body, my mind. Om. He really thinks the pros in NO WAY outweigh the cons for me. It basically ended my life. I hated me. I'm starting to dig me again.
So, I sit here eating graviola fruit like a wild animal because I'm home alone. Well, my cats are here. This is what we refer to in our house as "Secret Single Behavior". You can stand at the kitchen sink in your skivvies or less and eat popcorn from the pan in which it popped. You can drink a protein shake from the blender. Ok, we do that stuff sometimes when it's just us adults, but really - it's hysterical and convenient.
My brain is so messed up, as is my body. I know I've been detoxing for just a month, and I've enjoyed many improvements thus far, but shoot - I'm ready to be me. 100%. Now.
Had a very hard time working out - hubby has been tense for many reasons, and that combined with my unpredictability. I nearly passed out while getting ready to go, and had to lean on the table to get my head together. Not sure what it was, but I've been very weak in the legs. It feels hormonal, and I guess that makes sense. But it's annoying. I'm trying to live clean, eat clean, and sleep seems to be key. I know. Patience. It's like when people tell women who gave birth that it took 9 months to put the weight on, and it will take 9 to take it off. I had no patience for that. 5 weeks. So, yeah, I can see how my impatience would screw with my head on this one. You can't force toxins out of your body.
Been dry skin brushing, apple cider vinegaring, detox tea-ing, exercising, sleeping, clean eating, just need to be patient. I should be meditating more. I do it simply when I lay down for bed, but sometimes I'm so beat that I conk out. I guess that's ok, but I think more mindful meditation would probably be beneficial, in addition to conking out.
Speaking of sleep, hubs is playing late tonight. I haven't made it out much to hear him, and it's not my favorite venue, but I feel like my leg muscles are made of ropes that are about to snap off of the bones they are attached to. That's the best way I can describe the hormonal legs. I literally want to reach into my calves (more than quads or hamstrings) and just pull the strings out. Throw them away. They feel useless. But, I'm not a surgeon, or a freak, so I'll leave my muscles alone. Perhaps a massage tomorrow is a better idea.
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