Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Freaking Starving

I assume that this feeling is a good thing - perhaps my metabolism is revved, but I still am battling my tamoxifat. Ok, I'm small. But it doesn't help when folks say "But you look great!" and "I'd love to have your weight problems". Yeah, it is a problem when you eat a piece of fruit and gain 3 pounds.

But, this ravenosity is giving me hope... perhaps my system will catch up and realize that I am able to eat again. And I'm allowed to burn it again.

Woke up this morning with crazy vertigo. Literally, I got up at 6, started to get ready, and by 6:15 was holding onto the kitchen counter to keep myself from falling. My daughter walked in the kitchen and I told her to get me up at 7. The room was spinning, but when I laid down it was cool. I have been taking some new stuff and perhaps my body is not quite used to it yet. Or, it's the toxins saying bye bye. Whatever. I'm still better off than I was a couple of months ago.

Wow. I am not used to that. It's not fun. Got up at 7 and proceeded to force myself to get ready. Out and about, by 10 or so I felt closer to safe. But I stopped home around 1 and realized that all was not right, still. Popped a session in the massage chair, asked hubby who had just landed from his trip to Gua Sha me. Now, it was only about 10 minutes, but the relief it brought was immeasurable. I don't think the marks are too dark, and I hope we'll fit another session in soon. Some folks are so freaked out by Eastern Medicine, but I will say this :  It is fucking magical.

When I returned home again, 3 hours later, hubby said I really looked better. See? Magic.

Booked my new oncologist for next month - let's hope the third time is a charm! Hey, at least he knows our track record with the other 2... maybe he'll get to chat with the docs we love and realize that we are not numbers, or medical charts, or a missing breast and lymph, or just another woman with cancer. I am me, my family is my family, my life is my life, and HALLE-LOOOOOOO, I want to enjoy it all.

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