To the blood draw. My Vampire of the Day was not funny. I mean, no sense of humor. I like funny, damnit. But, he drew my blood. Like, 30 gallons or so.
I staggered to oncology, weak from blood loss and no caffeine - hubs brewed a coffee for me as I sat and waited. Nurse Smelly took us in for my weight, blood pressure and shit. I told her to take off about 40 for my rain boots, but I think she subtracted 2. Very nice, but hard to breathe around her. Don't you think that a person who works in health care should be careful to be clean? Especially around cancer patients? Shit. I'm not even doing chemo and I was about to hurl at her smell. One of the weird things since radiation - intense sense of smell. It's like I have a superpower, but it's not great, because it either makes me hungry or nauseous. I'd prefer being able to shoot lasers from my (blurry) eyes, or maybe knives coming out of my feet (Edward Scissor Toes? Wolverine needs a pedi?) But there I am, insanely sensitive sense of smell. Which of course increases my appetite as well, since good stuff tastes really good.
Anyway, gained a few since last time. Miserable about all the side effects. Thank goodness hubs came along, because I simply LOST MY SHIT. Dr. Cancer wants me to stay on the tamoxifen. We presented the idea of taking a half dose, but "there are no studies". Bitch, I don't care.
Surfing around the inter webs can be dangerous, but here's a sweet list on DRUGS.COM!!!
I'm going to post the symptoms, and the ones I have I will highlight so you can get a visual grasp on the utter shit I am dealing with. Yea, Me!!!
Less common or rare
- Anxiety
- blistering, peeling, or loosening of the skin and mucous membranes
- blurred vision
- cataracts in the eyes or other eye problems
- change in vaginal discharge
- chest pain
- chills
- confusion
- cough
- dizziness
- fainting
- fast heartbeat
- fever
- hoarseness
- lightheadedness
- lower back or side pain
- pain or feeling of pressure in the pelvis
- pain or swelling in the legs
- pain, redness, or swelling in your arm or leg
- painful or difficult urination
- rapid shallow breathing
- shortness of breath or trouble with breathing
- skin rash or itching over the entire body
- sweating
- weakness or sleepiness
- wheezing
- vaginal bleeding
- yellow eyes or skin
- Bloating
- constipation
- darkened urine
- diarrhea
- difficulty with breathing
- indigestion
- itching
- joint or muscle pain
- large, hard skin blisters
- large hive-like swelling on the face, eyelids, lips, tongue, throat, hands, legs, feet, and sex organs
- loss of appetite CAN I PLEASE EXCHANGE ONE OF MY SYMPTOMS FOR THIS ONE?
- nausea
- pain in the stomach or side, possibly radiating to the back
- red, irritated eyes
- red skin lesions, often with a purple center
- sore throat
- sores, ulcers or white spots in the mouth or on the lips
- unusual tiredness or weakness
- vomiting
More common
- Absent, missed, or irregular periods
- decrease in the amount of urine
- feeling of warmth
- menstrual changes
- noisy, rattling breathing
- redness of the face, neck, arms and occasionally, upper chest
- skin changes
- stopping of menstrual bleeding
- swelling of the fingers, hands, feet, or lower legs
- troubled breathing at rest
- weight gain or loss
- white or brownish vaginal discharge
- Abdominal or stomach cramps
- black, tarry stools
- bleeding gums
- blood in the urine or stools
- bluish color changes in skin color
- bone pain
- decreased interest in sexual intercourse
- discouragement
- feeling sad or empty
- hair loss or thinning of the hair
- headache
- inability to have or keep an erection (DO MEN TAKE THIS STUFF TOO???)
- irritability
- itching in the genital area
- loss of interest or pleasure
- loss in sexual ability, desire, drive, or performance
- nausea or vomiting (mild) I ONLY WISH I COULD VOMIT!
- pain
- pinpoint red spots on the skin
- skin rash or dryness
- stomach or pelvic discomfort, aching, or heaviness
- swelling
- trouble concentrating
- trouble with sleeping
- unusual bleeding or bruising
So, overall, you can see that I'm a lucky girl. Is it time to stick my head in the oven yet? I mean, really, is this a life? Not to mention how it's affected my career. I'm doing ok covering up, but for how much longer?
Folks said that the symptoms would get better and definitely not worse after the 2 month mark. It's 10. Fuck you all who said it would at least not get worse. And the doc won't even give me an alternative to the devil pills.
I went back to the Vampire Boy for more blood drawing, because we're going to test my thyroid. I hear that radiation can kill your thyroid, but again, docs won't admit it. I don't know if I hope that is the culprit. I think it all blows flaming monkey chunks and I'd much prefer to be an apathetic blob who doesn't give a shit about anything. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be a side effect, but seems possible. Some days, it is real. But it never lasts, and then I care that everything sucks. Winning is no longer an option, huh?
I did get some Soursop blend juice. It's delicious and tropical. It will taste better with rum.
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