I want to stop taking the tamoxifen. And then, I have the guilt. If it morphs, if it travels, I will feel bad for my family. Not me. If I were alone, I'd have no problem with it. In fact, I wouldn't have taken it in the first place if I were not a mother. Wife… eh, I'm not sure - but the kid thing really gets me. Because I was that kid. And my mom died from this shit.
Had 2 good workouts and an actual date night last night - korean chicken dinner, beer, and some laughter and tears. Yeah. All this stress has just made its way into our relationship like a meddling third party. But last night was good. I still took my fat and angry pill, despite wanting to stop. Because in the end, it's still my guilt if I remain sick and get sicker.
I have been reading about tamoxifen and depression and craziness. It's real. You can't turn off your estrogen suddenly and NOT be crazy.
Decisions. Oncology appointment in a little over a week. I guess I'll take it until then and discuss further. She'll tell me I'm doing great on it. I'll disagree. At least, I think hubby will be on my side, especially since he's on the receiving end of crazy.
But, today is so far a good day. So I'm going to go with that for now.
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