Ambien Fail.

Told the doc today, I took it at 7:30 and was up until about 2, proceeded to wake up every hour until my alarm at 6:45.

Today I took one at 5:30. I felt a little woozy but it's worn off 2 hours later. I may take another. He did say it was a low dose, like a half dose. And, I confirmed that if I enjoy a glass of wine with said pill, it will not kill me.

I've been really out of sorts. 7 more BBQ sessions and I'll be some massive burnt ends. My head tingles and can not construct a sentence. Typing is easy, I can edit. Speaking? The shit that pours out of my mouth. Weird.

Also, I'm teary. Is it the PMS? I don't know. Literally, I will be walking down the street, listening to tunes, and start tearing up, like I'm going to bawl like a baby. I can stop myself because I'm not with anyone who might say "Oh no! What's wrong, Dear Cancer Patient???"  So that's something. But seriously, this spontaneous crying shit is not cute. First, my makeup runs. Second, my eyes get redder than they are from lack of sleep. Third, I look like someone with a horrible illness.

Off I go to bed with a little wine. 7 more. 7 more. Please, let my skin stay together for that long. I've been using La Mer 2-3 times a day as well as calendula. Today, at my desk, I had no shame. When nobody was around I'd simply slop it on under my shirt. Really, it's not even a breast anymore. I didn't feel like walking to the bathroom to do it. The skin is burning hot and tight. It feels like my encapsulated expander is all squished up. I'm afraid I might spring a damn leak.

Flight Saturday. Hoping for no problems at security. The last thing I need is someone trying to feel up my burned skin. And the magnet in the expander... will that do something awful? Beeeeep! "Hey, this one seems to have a metal nipple."  Fuck. I'm going to dress entirely in pink ribbons so they KNOW I have cancer. Give me a fucking break. I'm imagining the worst. Stop it. Stupid Cancer Chick.

Ok, off to sip wine and watch something mindless. Nip Tuck has been a nice choice. Watching elective surgery is fascinating.