Bowl full of Jelly

Or… fat.

Whew! We have been eating up a storm here, very outside of our "norm". Stepdaughter was here for 2 weeks, so we basically enjoyed the holidays. Worked out, but not enough to balance the gluttony. She doesn't get much home cooking, so I did a LOT. Plus, going out for real restaurant food (they don't have much other than chain crap and fast food where she lives). SO, back on it. Of course the tamoxifen makes it much harder to stay at a reasonable metabolic rate. Or something. But I'm not done fighting yet. And, if it happens that I make it to a year and stop taking this crap, so be it.

My bones. Joints. Grey hair. Metabolism.

But hey. There's a .02% chance that my cancer may metastasize. What? Of course, stats and charts are BS.

Um. That kind of sucks all around. But hubby is scared. So I pop my fat pills nightly. In fact, the alarm just rang. And my tummy is growling but I'm back on the intermittent fasting. Despite the gingerbread cookies on the counter. Screw them.

The weird thing, is that I'm 10 lbs. over my "ideal" weight, and 7 over my "usual". But I fit in everything. I don't look that different. But I feel it. It feels like a burden. So, off it goes.

Otherwise? All the side effects seem so not worth it. I'm looking forward to my next oncologist chat. The one where I tell her the meds still suck, and that I hate them, and then hubby gets a concerned look on his face as she spouts out statistics that are based partially on bullshit studies that don't include the women who dropped out because of blood clots, or new cancers, or just disgust with the side effects.

Yeah, it's going to be great. But, hey. I am really acting much more healthy to counteract the crappy side effects. Except for the past 2 weeks. Time to get back on it and see my abs a bit more clearly. And color those grays (with natural dye, of course… which is why I have to dye it so often!!!)

A new year is upon us, and I wonder - how much longer will I be on the planet? I hope long enough to not scar my daughter. I lost my mom at 18 and it still hurts. And I'm an old lady now. Sheesh...