I just hit snooze. I could have hopped up for my Scooby Snack, but I'm getting sick of my achy joints, my bone density at level dust, my mood swings swinging harder than any "jazz cat", my excessive grey hairs which seem to be multiplying at an alarming speed (thank goodness for natural-ish hair dye, but shoo, it's messy and costly and just lame!), my scale which surely is broken - in the last week I gained 5 pounds LITERALLY overnight and haven't been able to budge from it - which is still a hairball under my stress weight pre-tamoxifen, but still. I worked hard to get the needle down to my ideal weight, and 5 pounds doesn't sound like a lot to most, but I basically gain weight in my midsection. I don't gain it in the good places. I literally turn into a ball. I'm not there, but I hate that I can't get back to my happy weight. Just 5 pounds. PLEASE. I haven't been on my "a" game, but I haven't exactly been misbehaving, either! We'll see how tomorrow works out - though we're having a party here. Turkey and stuffing and oxtail stew and pies and shit. I haven't cooked like this since perhaps last year's Thanksgiving Misfit Glutton Fest. I LOVE to cook, but my nerves are a bit much this year. I broke a huge glass dispenser. Several other things have gone awry. I think this tamoxifen makes me jumpy like a kangaroo on Red Bull. If something falls from a cabinet, I scream like someone is coming after me with a machete. What gives? Not that I was ever the essence of calm, but sheesh. Anyway, we did ok in setting up as much as we could for tonight - though the freaking pumpkin muffins are calling my name. And asking if butter can come along for the ride. I had a few today - with my miso soup - and after… I decided that a healthful dinner for my frazzled nerves would be Inka and Schmailey's. I have a thing for fake Bailey's - somehow they seem to taste better (and cost less) than the "original". Anyway, I was correct. It was warm and delicious and calmed me down a bit. I'm still a kangaroo, but the Red Bull has left the building.
I know. I should take the freaking TamoxiPoison. Because I want to live. But the side effects, which folks swore would level out after 2 months? Um, it's been almost 10 and it's just getting worse. It's like not studying for a particular class, and by the time you get to the final exam, you can't win. That cumulative crap is something else. I would love to go off the meds for a few months, clean it out of my temple, and kind of give it another shot. Maybe it interacted with the radiation. Maybe that Hulk shit is real.
Except for that part. Yeah, I'm working out. And ok, I don't look bad for an old, cancerous broad. And, no, you can not call me a broad. Or call me abroad - because I always turn my cell service off to avoid the charges. Crap, see? This tamoxifen makes my brain all wonky. Anyway - I'd take the green skin if I could be that bangin'. But all I seem to have is the Hulk TamoxiRage.
Well, damn, I guess it's time to take my poison and stuff a pound of butter under the turkey skin. Yeah. That's one of my tricks. People think turkey is so healthy - but the truth? If you get turkey that actually is moist and delicious, chances are there is a crapload of butter and oil rolling in it. We only cook it once a year. I'm not a huge fan of it - but my cranberry chutney… mmmm. And seriously, you can't compete with oxtail stew. Hulk Crush. But I'll never give away my secrets - actually I'm full of crap. This deliciousness is my recipe. I do it in a huge slow cooker. I had oxtail stew for breakfast in Indonesia and, as I often do, I was determined to make it at home. This is the closest I could get. It was sweet. Heck, it was breakfast! All the other chumps on tour ordered omlettes and pancakes and crap. I asked the waiter what his favorite dish was there (we were at the Ritz - sounds great until you realized that there was a mass shooting weeks before, so we weren't allowed to leave because the shit was way too dangerous!)
But, I got this great recipe from that trip. Or, the idea to figure it out. Because it is stupid good. Back to that butter-stuffed turkey…
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