First things first. Party? Awesome. Leftovers? Dangerous. But - I'm chronically hormonal. Which makes it even more dangerous. Also, it hasn't felt like summer in a few weeks - so I think my body is trying to pad up for the winter. Dude. IT'S AUGUST!!!
Anyway, A lot has been going on around here. I suppose that's the usual... we've been really, really stupid busy. But, we have each other. Patience is thin, waist is thick (ok, I'm still at my bottom weight from last year's pre-cancer diagnosis!) and I feel sometimes like I should just give up, gain a shit load of weight, and, well, Give Up. Then my vanity tells me that I like my new size way more than the old.
I'm going in for a bone scan Monday. Oooh! BONE SCAN! Why? Well, being on tamoxibreak for 6 months is making my joints feel gnarly. My hip hurts constantly, my wrists crackle like the fire that chestnuts might roast over at Christmas time. And, well, tamoxifen screws with bone density - no matter your age or health or activity. I do NOT want osteoporosis. Ever. But, especially now. They normally scan after a year of the horrid pills, but my docs know by now to let me do what I want to do. Within reason, sure... though I may ask about doing steroids instead of the tamoxifen - because I want to get SUPER HUGE. However, I'm guessing I will be laughed at, told that it's not targeted cancer therapy, and of course, I don't think I want hubby to have to pop a bunch of zits on my amazingly huge back while I scream obscenities during my roid rage. Ok, I won't ask. Fine.
I also asked my onco about my Gaaaaad Daaaaamed hot flashes. Pretty sure I said it like that. She told me of a few meds she could prescribe me, and also that there is an acupuncture study going on at the hospital. HELLO?
So I called. I got the call today to come fill out forms and pick up my HOT FLASH DIARY on Monday!
Dear Dumb Diary; last night I had the worst hot flash ever. I wanted to peel my sweaty, clammy skin right off of my muscles and imagined that I could leave it in a big, nasty pile on the floor next to my bedroom slippers, and put it back on in the morning like a jumpsuit. But, I ended up leaving it on and cursing the stupid cells that made me take the stupid meds. Also, why won't my metabolism go faster with all of this sweating? Isn't it like cardio? Only better? Well, diary, you suck, and so do my hot flashes. Sorry about the sweat stains on the page, I just started again, and feel like I'm having a combo panic attack with looming vomit and passing out in the very near future. Yeah. And it's not even real menopause, so I still have to worry about getting pregnant and will have to go through all this shit again when I'm older. If I live that long. Other than that, I had a good day.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'll have fun with it. 5 weeks - 2 treatments a week, then 4 weeks - 1 treatment a week. I am REALLY hopeful that I will be in the real group. But, how do they do placebo needles??? Or do they needle different tsubos? Guess I'll find out. If I'm in the faker group, I'll get real treatment after the study. But that's like a million week commitment. Ok, more like 20 instead of 10 (one week before treatment, I start the DIARY OF SWEATY DOOM!)
Hopefully in my crazed schedule I'll be able to figure it all out. I really want to do the study. We'll see!
Right now I'm totally full and starving - hormones! AHHHHHHHH!!! Perhaps a Schmailey's is in order. I haven't had one in a long time.
ps. To the cancer cells left - please go now. Thank you.
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