Bone Scan

I had my bone scan after 6 months on tamoxibreakyourbones. The techie was VERY hard to understand, a very thick Russian accent, and I'm usually very good at interpreting most accents - but wow. What an exercise today! Anyhoo, after my scan (and after taking out multiple jewelries - that nose ring always bugs me when I have to put it back in!) I chatted with the technician while I got dressed (ALWAYS bring your stuff into the room so you can dress while chatting, rather than feeling vulnerable in a robe while your goods are locked up in some locker down the hall!)  She said my bones didn't look "super solid" (or maybe she said she wanted a salad for lunch...)  She also said that a woman with a small frame like me (yay!) would not have as dense bones as one with a larger frame (boo!)

She encouraged me to keep lifting weights (or perhaps said something about the gates... of hell...) and to not gain weight. Ex-CUSE me? Well, I did gain about 5 lbs. over this last week, it's been all bad eating since the birthday celebration for my girl, mostly because of tempting leftovers. Then we had friends over on Saturday night and ordered Chinese food. At around 10pm. And then we had raspberry torte (which was incredible). And getting my period on top of it all, well, I've been a hormonal disaster with food. I did work out Saturday and Sunday, and felt particularly Manly on Sunday. But yeah, the wheat, the extra carbs I usually never eat...

So, today I'm off to a good start. Had a protein bar, 2 apples, salad and half of a ribeye (grass fed organic, of course!), and a cup of fresh cherries. How I would love to have leftover birthday cake from the freezer, or leftover raspberry torte, or a box of pasta or loaf of bread... but here I am. I may end up with a glass of wine in my face before the night is over, and I know that my weight is still lower than it was last winter, but it seems my standards have gone skyrocketing since cancer. Not only because I feel like my womanhood has been totally hacked off of my body, but because I do know that keeping my body fat down and my muscle up will somehow help me keep the cancer from getting more stupid, or at least I will feel more powerful if it gets me again. I'm thinking maybe if the radiation or surgery couldn't scare the bugger cells off, I can bully them away!

Grrrrrr.

Ok, I'm not that scary. But, my tummy is growling and somehow that feels good. I've been feeling full for over a week now. And I hate that. And I tried on a skirt Saturday that I decided I felt too pudgy in. I am not pleased while sporting a muffin top. Luckily, I had a dress that masked said muffin. Ok, I'm small and work hard at it - but 5 lbs. on a small frame (especially riding atop rickety, old lady bones!) does NOT make a happy me. For the first time in my life, I have a partner who gets it and actually knows how to encourage me without making me feel like a fat-ass. That is a miracle.

Men- learn to talk to your women and encourage them without insult. Impossible? 99%. Which leaves 1% of possibility. As I told a (gay) friend of mine today, I have the gayest straight husband, ever. He totally agreed.