And just like that, a life is gone

Just found out that someone in my ex's side of the family committed suicide. This was someone that my daughter adored. They had a connection that amazed me and thrilled me. I have it with her, so does hubby, but this was someone who was "not a parent". Who was cool. 

How do you kill yourself? How do you end your life? Here I am fighting to stay alive. It figures. Folks who want to die, and those who - dare I say - might be asking for it (murderers and rapists etc) - and folks like me, and my mom, her sis, her brother, my cousin... Etc... We get cancer. I haven't been a saint my whole life, but I sure as hell have been doing the best I can with what I've got. 

And what I've got is cancer. 

It's interesting. If I were suicidal, I'd stop treatments. I'd eat soy and sugar all day. I'd do all the things I don't do. It would be easy, I assume, to metastasize. I witnessed my mom give up. I think she wanted to die by then. 

I guess I've got an easy out if it gets bad. But, with my little family, I can't imagine wanting to leave the planet anytime soon. 

Rest in peace. I hope you have found what you needed on the other side.